Well, here it is... November 12th, 2010. My second time trying to blog. The first one (38-20-24, I think it was called) was a huge flop. It involved a bet trying to lose weight to enter the military by losing the necessary weight and get my waist down to the necessary requirements by my birthday. Which was five weeks away. I did a great job... for a few weeks. I was not happy about having to lose the weight anyways because I was okay with my weight (kinda). It was a joke to the recruiter because he really had NO desire to get me in at all. He passed me off all the time. I think it was because of my age. It seems that if you're 18 and have no clue what the real world involves they will sign you to eight years REGARDLESS of your weight!!! Believe me, I saw the wall in the office!! That's neither here nor there...
This blog is for one reason... HOPE. Background story:
At the age of nine, I was diagnosed with a migraine disorder. By the age of 13, a seizure disorder. I was prescribed Depakote to control not only the seizures, but the migraines. It worked well, but I was always a zombie. In school I never payed attention, I was always tired, I couldn't hold focus... five years off and on... but no seizures.
At the age of 17 with four and a half years with one seizure EVER... I enlisted in the US Army Reserve. I went split option. Basic Training in between my junior/senior year to go to AIT after graduation. AIT never happened. After an accident with my hand, I got dropped my the Army after I had a seizure when I was nineteen. Grand Mal. Yep. Army career over. To be honest, I was young and really didn't want to be in anymore anyway. Young and stupid I was. I had a seizure on average every six months for 4 years. Usually I had a thirty second aura of warmth but no 'accidents' as in peeing myself or whatnot. All grand mal. I decided to stop the Depakote again... **NOTE** I only took it once in a while anyways.
By the grace of God... 9 years... no seizures. I played two successful years of semi-pro football with the Leominster Razorbacks (2005 and 2010) and you'd never know I ever had seizures. When I went to re-enlist in 2009, the recruiter had me get an MRI and an EEG. Both came up with no scarring and no long term damage done to my brain. In fact, according to the neuro, nothing abnormal ever showing I ever even had a disorder period. Until...
2 Corinthians 12:7
Therefore in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.
...and that I was... on October 12th, 2010 I was running drills with my Pop Warner kids and laughing having a grand old time. In the middle of the night, I started shaking in my right arm. I figured it was just residual pain from a football injury from August. Woke up later on in the morning at 0530 as I do everyday Monday through Friday as I always do and I knew something was wrong. By 1100 I was at Urgent Care, then at the Emergency Room and had 6 complex partial seizures in the time frame I was in both. Four with my head and shoulders shaking and 2 with my right arm. Memory loss was, is, and probably will continue to be an issue. That day, I was having conversations with my pastor, and I couldn't remember them at all. I was in the ER for nine hours.
Symptoms:
- Memory Loss
- Irritability
- Drowsiness (sleeping 12 to 13 hours a day)
- Daily Migraines
Symptoms:
- Memory Loss
- Daily Migraines
- Sharp Pain (NOT HEADACHES) in head
- Still having seizures
- Itchiness in face and nasal area
- White spots in eyes
- Hazy aura
- Runny nose
- Irritability
- No filter (will say what's on my mind without remorse)
- Constantly thirsty
- Numbness in limbs (right hand) especially
- Sleeping (13 to 14 hours) almost daily
- Lack of energy
I want to say this as well... I am a Christian. I love God and I do in fact believe Jesus is my Saviour and I sing (in the church choir :-) ) His praises on the football field and will on the basketball court ( I coach basketball too). I even have three crosses on my helmet (bonus points if any of you know why). It is NOT about pity for me or why God would do this to me. I ask how, can I find a way to make this for His glory. There is a story of a boy who has seizures in the Bible actually...
Matthew 17:14-20 (The Message)
At the bottom of the mountain, they were met by a crowd of waiting people. As they approached, a man came out of the crowd and fell to his knees begging, "Master, have mercy on my son. He goes out of his mind and suffers terribly, falling into seizures. Frequently he is pitched into the fire, other times into the river. I brought him to your disciples, but they could do nothing for him."
17-18Jesus said, "What a generation! No sense of God! No focus to your lives! How many times do I have to go over these things? How much longer do I have to put up with this? Bring the boy here." He ordered the afflicting demon out—and it was out, gone. From that moment on the boy was well.
19When the disciples had Jesus off to themselves, they asked, "Why couldn't we throw it out?"
20"Because you're not yet taking God seriously," said Jesus. "The simple truth is that if you had a mere kernel of faith, a poppy seed, say, you would tell this mountain, 'Move!' and it would move. There is nothing you wouldn't be able to tackle."
See, Paul from the Bible still had an affliction that couldn't be gotten rid of because God's grace... was sufficient. Some say it was epilepsy, others say it was a speech impediment, migraines, some physical impediment... whatever the case... it was noticable. I know that. His grace... IS sufficient. Regardless of my wants (to be rid of this affliction) HIS will is not mine.. but His grace is good enough for me. Paul, just couldn't take it... I do know that..... and he had a hard time. Things haven't changed... I know that some may not believe that. Some may be angry that I would say this with all the diseases in the world such as autism, Lou Gehrig's disease, Crohn's disease and I would say such a thing. I can understand that this is a hard thing to hear but for me, there truly is nothing I cannot tackle with Jesus at my side, the Holy Spirit in my heart, and God in my life.
For the next year, I will be training... not for the military, not for football, not for anything else but to enjoy my life and for those on a support website (http://www.epilepsy.com/) for people with epilespy who said "I have epilespsy, and my life is not worth living" and the other who said "I have epilespy or should I say no to life". To be honest, I can't either... but by HIS grace, I will fight and claw to get BACK on the football field in 2011 and smash it up again. Impossible you say? Of course... some would... In 2005 they said the same thing. In 2010, I was named Defensive Co-Captain for my hard work and dedication to the game. Why you might ask? God's grace of course. It was sufficient then and it is now. Whether I get healed or not. I'll go so far to say, if it is in God's way to take me from this world by way of a brain tumor (which is an option too) then so be it... but I will continue to workout (under a neurologist's and my doctors' supervision of course).
I will say this... MY decision to step back onto the field is not advisible to everyone...in fact, probably not even me... but how can I use this for His glory... it's ALL His glory... always will be.
I will attempt to blog everydayabout my workouts, my feelings, my seizures, my doctors appointments, everything. Nothing will be off limits. Ask any questions and I will try to answer them all. Hope I can even bring some to know Christ.... daniel.ducksworth@live.com
Email me whenever.
God Bless,
Danny Ducksworth
F.B.I. (Firm Believer In Christ)
LPW Webmaster/PR
2010 Junior Pee Wee Head Coach
2010 Leominster Rec League Basketball Head Coach
2010 Leominster Razorbacks Defensive Co-Captain
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