God Bless Newtown, Connecticut

As I was painting my daughter (Mirieanah's) nails while watching the Falcons game, I looked her in the eyes and I realized that she was the same age as a good majority of the children in the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting that occured the other day. She looked at me and smiled and I couldn't help but tear up and feel a sense of remorse and guilt. In less than two weeks I will see the joy and amazement in her eyes as she opens her gifts and twenty families will be forced to look under their trees and see gifts wrapped recently as three weeks prior that will never be opened by the little hands that awaited them...

Mirieanah Alessa

 

 

I could never imagine life without this little girl. In fact, I couldn't imagine getting a call from the Leominster Police Department telling me that my Princess had been shot after I dropped her off at the 'safest' place in the world I could think of.

 

Each day as we get older as parents, it seems the people that are getting more and more violent are getting younger and younger. We as a human race need to say enough is enough. We need to embrace mental illness and recognize it as a condition and take care of our own. It's time to draw the line. We need to get rid of the NIMBY mentality and take off our blinders or these types of horrific things will continue to happen. Our children will someday be the next adults of the world and we have a responsibility to arm them with the tools they need to be the responsible generation that heals the world and takes care of each other and does not destroy it. For those of us that are in our early thirties, we came into this world at the tail end of Vietnam (not considered a war, but a conflict) and we have had two wars, child molestation was not 'mainstream' news until late ninties, and public widespread (school, open-area, etc) violence didn't start really until Columbine, then 9/11.

 

Now imagine what our children will go through with all this technology? Facebook, new weaponry, internet access making things faster and mainstream? Scared yet? We have the ability to change how they see the world. What they do with that knowledge is up to us. Even those of us that don't have children still have a responsibility to each other. We need to start looking after each other. Forget the labels. Who cares who is Christian or not? Gay or straight? Republican or Democrat?

 

Maybe one of the children that lost their lives the other day was being raised by a gay or lesbian couple. So what? Irrelevant. Or maybe they shared different views than what your views are. Again irrelevant. Maybe even different than mine. Doesn't matter. The fact is... a little boy woke up Friday morning, ate breakfast and grabbed his Spider Man backpack on a crisp December morning while a little girl grabbed her Justin Bieber backpack and they both kissed their parents for what would be the last time...

 

Time to wake up... No more sleeping to the realities of right and wrong.

 

 

 

 

The children and faculty that lost their lives

No More, The Last Piece Of Chicken, And... It's Not About You

So as I sit here coming down to the last day of the year (ETA 17 days) I have been slowly turning into the biggest cynic possible. I never thought it would happen to me... but it has. I truly can't remember when it happened, or in fact I can't remember why. All I can remember is that I can remember bits and pieces of situations that made the levels rise. Kind of like floors in a high rise and the stairs collapse below you. I know that I keep trying to weed out the drama and the BS all the while saying 'NO MORE' and it just keeps coming back.

Why do people have to be situational? The video above is a song called No More Drama by Mary J Blige. She is the Lady Of Soul next to Aretha of course.... let's say she is the undisputed Queen of R&B then? If you listen to the words of the song, she just talks about letting go of all the drama surrounding her and NO MORE DRAMA and how good it feels to let it go. It's ironic because the melody is the theme from the soap opera The Young And The Restless.

What really annoys me about people is everything is selfish... not selfless. People always talk about how doing things for others affect them... not how it affects others. That is exactly why divorce is at an all time high. Exactly why relationships are always failing. It's because people don't care that their partner is asking for the little things. They get scoffed at or rebuffed.


Something happened a few weeks ago that really hit my heart...

This talented young man (for some reason) left his 3 month old daughter without parents by killing his on and off again girlfriend Kassandra Perkins, then driving to Arrowhead Stadium and killing himself.

There are so many football players out there that are having mental issues that are going unchecked by the NFL and these needs should be addressed. CTE is a serious disease and unfortunately cannot be diagnosed until after death.

Another developing story that pisses me off to NO END... the Connecticut ELEMENTARY school shooting. Two emotionally disturbed men killed TWENTY 1st graders and Kindergarten children and six adults. It has not been revealed why they have done this heinous act. All I know is... it is the LOWEST of the low. Why can't people just think about what they are doing? If life is that bad, tell a healthcare professional or end your own life. Don't take the life of innocent people never mind those poor children. Imagine the faces of those poor children that went off to school today and the parents that thought their children were safe? I am appalled at what is happening to us not only as a society, but as a family that should be looking out for one another.

So many times I think we all should say "NO MORE!!!" People are killing themselves and each other everyday and more often... as we come around to 21Dec12 people worry about the world ending but do not worry about that because I believe by the BS that we as humanity are doing to ourselves by being selfish are going to destroy ourselves.

The Last Piece Of Chicken Theory

This one is SOOOO true, yet I'm willing to bet if you are reading this you are thinking 'What the hell is that?,' yet by the end you'll agree with every damn word.

Before I tell you what IT is, I must explain what a theory is....

the·o·ry

/ˈθi ə ri, ˈθɪər i/ Show S[thee-uh-ree, theer-ee] Show IPA

noun, plural the·o·ries.

1. a coherent group of tested general propositions, commonly regarded as correct, that can be used as principles of explanation and prediction for a class of phenomena: Einstein's theory of relativity. Synonyms: principle, law, doctrine.

 

2. a proposed explanation whose status is still conjectural and subject to experimentation, in contrast to well-established propositions that are regarded as reporting matters of actual fact. Synonyms: idea, notion hypothesis, postulate. Antonyms: practice, verification, corroboration, substantiation.

 

3. Mathematics . a body of principles, theorems, or the like, belonging to one subject: number theory.

 

4. the branch of a science or art that deals with its principles or methods, as distinguished from its practice: music theory. 

 

5. a particular conception or view of something to be done or of the method of doing it; a system of rules or principles: conflicting theories of how children best learn to read.

 

Number 2 relates to my theory. So, my theory is this:

 

Let's say I am out at dinner with someone and there is one piece of chicken left. That person (if they are being polite) will say to me "Do you want that last piece of chicken?" and I will most likely say "No thanks," if I am full. If I wasn't of course, I would take the piece of chicken. By that person asking me do I want the last piece of chicken, it gives the illusion that they either A) Are about to partake in the last piece of the chicken or B) Are offering it to me out of respect. The theory I propose suggests neither. It states that given the status quo of most interactions I come across, the person is hoping I decline so that they will get the last piece by default.

 

No guilt needed. The offer was given and declined so therefore no need to feel bad. People just say things mechanically because they are the 'right thing to say'. They have no intention to act on those words, they just say them because it will diffuse the situation or make the other party feel at ease. THAT is the world we live in. People will offer things hoping you will turn them down so they can say they did... preying on the goodness in hearts of others so that they can take advantage then turn around and do the same thing when they finally piss you off enough for you to finally say something about it. People only do things now just to say they did it. Not because they care about feelings or because they value what others feel for the most part, it's strictly due to my theory. I see it every day.

Let's say for another example, you have a roommate and it's their turn to do the dishes. As you're getting ready to go to bed you say to them "Hey, I'm headed to bed. It's your turn for the dishes." Without missing a beat, your roommate says "I'll do them after my movie is over." After you wake up in the morning, you find that the dishes are still there in the sink and the dishwasher is still full of clean dishes. If this were the first time that happened, maybe it could be chalked up to chance. After a few times.... it HAS to be my theory. I'm willing to be this example follows it. It becomes second nature for people. They will say anything with blatant disregard for people. Knowing it will make others upset or change their disposition, they will still do or say those things that will create an arguement or fight later just because they do not care enough to do what is needed, but will say enough because it is the right thing to do for that moment.

 

It's Not About You

 

I've been doing quite a bit of thinking since I took an Election Day hiatus from Facebook and it's had me thinking... Why the hell do I still have a Facebook? All it really is for me is a place to write interesting status quotes to try to uplift and inspire (sometimes to write underhanded updates about people I hope read them ... not even gonna lie) and for others it's a gossip column and even more so it's a newsletter shrine and a LOOKATME site and SEE HOW MANY CAUSES I CAN LIKE IN AN HOUR or SEE HOW MANY NEWS ARTICLES I CAN POST about and clog up your feed as well. Those bother me sometimes... but not a lot to be honest. It reminds me of the human condition. I can respond or just hit the ignore button. So I just mosey on past those that are annoying. I only comment on that, because it is something I used to see everyday. People go one their Facebook like it's CNN, MSNBC, or some legit news station. Hell, some people even now go so far as to now call their 'friend on Facebook' their real flesh and blood 'friends'. I see it all the time. It's like that creepy guy in the Tales From The Darkside episode that had all those mannequins that he treated as real people almost. Not like he really 'knew' them as people, but he treated them as real people. I'm not saying interactions on Facebook aren't happeneing, but people on Facebook are 'friends' on Facebook ONLY sometimes. There is no chance of meeting or no interactions other than a status update conversation or a game invite/request, yet they are 'friends'. I am not saying I'm judging (maybe I am in a small way) but this is why maybe it's time I move on from Facebook if I'm gonna be that way cause that's the way Facebook should be used I guess?

 

Another thing... Why do people always have to do things they are comfortable with and never step outside their comfort zone, but constantly ask for other people to do things they aren't okay with? I live my life orderly and organized (or used to for that matter) and now it is in complete disarray. I haven't been in a really good place in a really long time. It's nice when people will look at me, step out on a limb and see what makes me happy. Seeing what makes my heart feel good. Not just for a moment, but for a lifetime. People forget what makes friends, family, lovers happy far too often and it becomes situational. That's where the drama kicks in. I look back to that 16 year old kid that I was and I wish I could interview him. I think he had it together way more that I do now. He was headed in the right direction. He was a virgin (believe it or not HAHA!), he wanted to go to college, was a stand up guy and wouldn't take crap from anyone, and he always stood his ground no matter what the cost. I'd take the life lessons from him I lost in a heartbeat....

 

 

In life, when we as humans are searching for something to believe in... those around us should stand up and heed the call... take that extra step to lift each other up. Not look for the exits or complain that the road is too long/narrow/dark. It takes a special type of person to take up that challenge and walk that road. A companion will walk beside you and keep you company when the load is heavy and so is theirs, but and true companion will share the work so that you both can rest a while.

 

Well, that's all I've got for now... I'm off this bad boy so leave some comments worthwhile if you like.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Short Thanksgiving Post

So here it is... Thanksgiving Eve and here I sit. I'm trying to think of how to word this blog post.

Usually around this time of year, people start thinking of family, resolutions, and what will come the following year. The problem with that is I find too many times no one recognizes their own limitations... Or strengths. This is why I would rather limit who I attach myself to or who I deal with. So many people would rather psyche themselves up to believe in a lie than to prepare for the truth.

When you are a strong willed person, those that know you best would rather try to tenderize you than rise to the occasion and be better. It seems easier for that.

I have lost some weight over the past few months and I am eating healthier. I am in a better place in my life but sadly enough, I say to myself (almost mechanically) I hate my life. It's almost on a daily basis. I almost loathe everything about it. Loathe is a strong word. In my heart, I appreciate where I am in my life. It's my surroundings I guess. I am on my own and in my own mind at peace. It is only there that I can find the peace that I desire at the young age of 34 (soon to be).

I am always on my own when it comes to understanding how my mind works and what I want. As I said before, I say that I hate my life out loud and while it may (or may not be true) I don't even think it matters much. I need my own space. I need to find a place I can go on my own, rejuvenate, and have inner peace. I have hit the final stages in my life. Final as in I don't feel like talking about what bothers me anymore. If I say something bothers me, I'm dead serious about it and don't say I didn't warn you about it.

As 2013 gets ready to show itself to us, there is a sense of urgency worldwide I think. In part, the Mayan calendar claims that 21Dec is it for mankind. Some believe it is going to mark the beginning of an awakening for mankind. I think it may be a bit of both. People will wake up to the needs of the world.How people treat each other will cease to exist (hopefully). In order for mankind to survive we must learn to communicate better and live in harmony and change not only how we interact but moreover, how we react.

In 2012, I saw an opportunity for change. I made a few 'corrections'. I see the need to make so many more as 2012 comes to a close.

There was a mantra I had as a teenager and a twenty-something man... Either you're with me or against me. If you're with me then let's roll, and if not then get the hell out of my way or get moved out. Simple and short. I gotta get back to that. No emotional connection to it, no real story to be told behind it, just straight to the point. In other words, have my back or be on yours. Pretty basic. It's time for me to make people put up or shut up. I keep hearing people talk about it, but its majorily lies anyways. It's mostly conditional. If I am living my life to their liking, then they mean every word of what they say and if I am being me then I am a not worth a damn. It's all good. I've said it a few times, handshakes don't match smiles. That's all that is.

As I finish this short post on Thanksgiving Day, I'll finish with what I am most thankful for.

I'm thankful for my wonderful children, my family that supports me in all things (even when they know I'm wrong), those that are haters and conditionally care about me (keeps me on my toes and reminds me to stay focused), and most of all... I'm truly grateful that I can wake up each day and I still can make the choices I need to make to get better. Whether I do or not... That's another story.

The Change

Who do I trust? ME! That's who!!!!

At the end of the day the question is.... Who can you trust? Really the question is an honest one. A lot of people are afraid to look deep within and BE HONEST. A LOT of people that would read this might actually have a myriad of feelings toward what I say with this post. I'll be honest... I trust MAYBE... 3 people with my life. Sure, there are quite a few people that say they have my back but it's all a bunch of BS. I know it and so do they. Fact is, what is important to me is not important to them. WHO is important to me isn't important to them. See, it's not about what they think about those people that matters... it's about what I think about those people. If I don't like someone then I just don't like them. I don't force people on others. If I know you don't like someone I'd never force you to have to interact with them... ever. I can't think of a situation where that would have to happen. It's so sad that I can't trust the people I grew up with to have my back. I'd trust them to go out for a beer or to come over and watch the game or maybe even go for a drive if I fought with a family member. Other than that... I got nothing.

I have to say that in life growing up, we all play that game where we say that we'd take a punch, bullet, or whatever for a friend... when we get older, that punch idea may be tested (theoretical or real) and I am certain.... CERTAIN there are less than 2 that would take that punch.... and (this is where the pissed part will come in) the takers are females. Fact is, I'd never allow them to but I know it would be to see me excel or save me from danger. The problem is this... too many people I know talk the friendship and they BULLSHIT the reality. True story. I always say don't just talk it dammit be about it.

I do not keep myself surrounded with BS at all. I do not keep myself surrounded with fake people. If you aren't with me, then you are against me. Simple as that. If you can't understand me, then it's not that I'm over-stating it you just better get a dictionary or step your game up cause I'm not changing. Do I seriously have to feel bad for being smarter than your level? Do I have to feel bad for not speaking at your level? Nope. I am an educated man and I will speak as such. This is why I crave like minded people and since I can't find them then I guess I'll just keep to myself and keep it at that.

I trust to believe that people will stick to me and when someone does wrong to me and mine they will honor that by knowing my boundaries. That does not happen with anyone. Not one person (and I do mean this) not one person will stick by that. Everyone I know will act like nothing happened when I'm not around or just forgo the situation as if I shouldn't care. That sits inside me like a raging inferno. Believe me... I don't forget... ever.

There is a fire that burns and it's full of anger and I can't tell you why it's there, but I CAN tell you how it got there.

I have watched all my friends change. They have either turned their backs on me or do nothing at all. Not a damn thing. Their handshakes don't match their smiles in other words. Too many times people look out for just themselves and decide to say and do hurtful stuff just to appease their own egos and blame it on timing, situation, resources, etc. How about this... take the time to consider the other person. Take the time to consider the situation that you're in before you make a stupid mistake that you can't take back.

Some would say I think I am a "know-it-all". Not only would I follow that up with a nice healthy 'fuck you very much', but I'd also say that I know me better than anyone else and I know my limits and I know what I need. I know everything about me and what I need. When I say I can't handle something or I don't like something then that should be the end of it. No other questions should be needed.

If someone disrespected one of my close friends, you better believe that person that did disrespect would damn sure hear about it from me and I'd make damn sure they knew what the deal was. If I call you family, it don't have to be blood to be that way. I'm gonna take care of you as if you were family and that means when you say someone done fucked up, I'm gonna say, "I got the tarp, let me go get the truck". All these cats don't know what family or friendship truly is. It's fine though. I just should have done a better job picking them out. Can't choose who you love. I've come close to trading blows with guys for each of the cats I call family. Can't say they would for me though... In fact, can't say they would even read this blog... I'd even venture to take a guess to say that if they did read this they would lie and blow this off and say they would take a punch for me or whatever cause that's just the type of friends I have.

Onward from that, about a month ago I had a seizure (again) and I called the doctor. They put me back on Topamax. I started at 50 mg and now I'm up to 200 mg/day. I like to call them my Hulk pills.

Not cause they are like steroids mind you, but because they make me moody and they make me mad... a lot. Here's the most complete list of side effects I could find:

SIDE EFFECTS: Tiredness, drowsiness, dizziness, loss of coordination, tingling of the hands/feet, loss of appetite, bad taste in your mouth, diarrhea, and weight loss may occur. Mental problems such as confusion, slowed thinking, trouble concentrating or paying attention, nervousness, memory problems, or speech/language problems may also occur. If any of these effects persist or worsen, tell your doctor or pharmacist promptly.Remember that your doctor has prescribed this medication because he or she has judged that the benefit to you is greater than the risk of side effects. Many people using this medication do not have serious side effects.Tell your doctor right away if any of these unlikely but serious side effects occur: signs of kidney stones (such as severe back/side/abdominal/groin pain, fever, chills, painful/frequent urination, bloody/pink urine). A small number of people who take anticonvulsants for any condition (such as seizures, bipolar disorder, pain) may experience depression, suicidal thoughts/attempts, or other mental/mood problems. Tell your doctor right away if you or your family/caregiver notice any unusual/sudden changes in your mood, thoughts, or behavior including signs of depression, suicidal thoughts/attempts, thoughts about harming yourself.Tell your doctor right away if any of these rare but serious side effects occur: rapid breathing, fast/slow/irregular heartbeat, bone pain, broken bones, loss of consciousness. Rarely, topiramate may cause a very serious eye problem, generally within 1 month of starting treatment. If untreated, this eye problem can lead to permanent blindness. Therefore, get medical help right away if any of these side effects occur: sudden vision changes (such as decreased vision, blurred vision), eye pain/redness.This medication can rarely cause a serious metabolic problem (high amount of ammonia in the blood), especially if you are also taking valproic acid. Tell your doctor right away if you experience sudden/unexplained tiredness, vomiting, or mental changes (such as decreased alertness).A very serious allergic reaction to this drug is rare. However, get medical help right away if you notice any symptoms of a serious allergic reaction, including: rash, itching/swelling (especially of the face/tongue/throat), severe dizziness, trouble breathing.This is not a complete list of possible side effects.

All the bold stuff... I have. Lucky me.... See, the whole thing is, that I could use these things to my advantage and say that I can't hold my tongue due to my meds making me angry and blah blah blah... I won't say that. I love people around me too much to blame it on my meds. Each day that passes as I take my meds, I lose words and thoughts. In essense, I lose part of myself little by little. Even still I know who that little part of me that I keep is.

What I DID learn.... this new neuro Dr. Yin...

I will say her English sucks (HAHAHA) but she is good. Come to find out she is amazing! I have found out that my seizures may actually come from alcohol. Apparently, my seizures seem to be more active when I have little to no alcohol in my blood (according to my bloodwork) and the fact that my liver is 25 percent larger than it should be due to not producing some chemical that it should be. So her suggestion is not to be drinking at all. As of Christmas this year, I hope to be alcohol free... here's to fingers crossed.

Good news... my brain is clear.

Going to get back in the gym as of .... well, after this damn Hurricane Sandy blows over.... to prepare for football season in 2013! If the end of the world doesn't happen first! LOL! I will be looking to chase the ring until I catch it!!!

Mace, Manca, and anyone else that don't know.... Rev Duck is coming back and don't worry I'll get the medical. I've already started the long process. I want to make sure that I amn 100 percent a go before I put the helmet back on. ... Greatness my friends is upon you! And it will be upon me as well!! I'm working my way back to it!!!! Backup lineman... 3rd string lineman... don't matter. I'll be 34 and hell... I'll be blessed to be able to play again. 10 - 0 or 0 -10. I've been working on it for a month now and I'm hungrier than I've ever been.

I'm comin' for any and all QBs in 2013... smaller, faster, stronger and better.... and MORE PISSED OFF THAN BEFORE!!! Got a question... Who's more dangerous than a man with nothing to lose and everything to gain????

Answer: Nothing....

It's that damn fire....

Purify Me And Make Me New

Good Morning,

Here's a minor science lesson for you. Did you know if you burn grain alcohol (as in the kind you drink like vodka, run, tequila, etc) you will burn away the water from that alcohol and you'll have a more pure grain? Also, the purer the alcohol, the more flammable it is? Pure.

Yeah, I said it...pure. For the past few months if you are a friend of mine on Facebook you've obviously seen me post this

This speech is from ET The Hip Hop Preacher (Eric Thomas). He truthfully has changed my life. When I was working at Sprint I saw this video and I realized that I wanted to leave there and become successful as badly as I wanted to breathe. It took a few months, but I did it. Got a job with BNY Mellon that pays me more than I realized I was worth with no experience. All I did was do what ET talks about. Get a reward from pain. The pain of that crappy job and knowing there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it... or could I?

Over the past few days, I've been listening to his T.G.I.M. (Thank God It's Monday) videos. Gotta say this one got to me again

Understand this, some people never want to hear the positive. Negativity breeds negativity!!! It's like sunlight to a vampire. When all you think is CAN'T you are NEVER going to see the CAN nor will you want to. You don't understand the fire that is burning inside of me? I've turned it over. PURIFIED!!! Burning away the unnecessary things in my life. Something was recently put on my heart... Anyone remember the saying 'Things that are good aren't always good for you."? ET put it this way "Everyting that is good to you isn't good for you.". The people in your life may be good to you, but they aren't good FOR you. 

Recently, I had it out with a 'friend' of mine that I considered family. You all know nothing... NOTHING in my life is off limits and I share everything. This 'friend' has only hung with me 3 times in the past year since he got in a relationship. Now, understand this.... normally one would think to blame the girl and say 'She changed him'. I absolutely refuse to say that. It's on my boy, not her. He has to want to chill with the friend he called for rides from the airport at 10 PM, the friend he had no issue calling when he didn't have a girl and he was feeling all alone and misunderstood, the one who gave him rides to work when he lost his license and making my son late for school in the process.... yeah, that's me. It's not on her, it's on him. Now, this week (after 7 months of him blowing me off) he decided to start calling me and I just avoided the phone call. After a month of avoiding him, he has the nerve to text me to 'explain myself' and 'he though we were friends'. True story. I could have asked him the same thing. The PEOPLE that are good to you aren't necessary good FOR you! There are a few other things happened, but what I've typed ALONE is enough to call it a day. This 'friend' wants to meet up and 'voice our concerns'. I couldn't even believe he thinks he has concerns!!! I never went anywhere! I never turned my back on him. But, that's okay.

Gotta burn away the negativity and keep with the people that love me and are about something!!!

Understand, I've been up since 7 AM. Why? Because I should be up. ET said he gets up at 3:30 AM every day. Why? Because Ted Turner does and he's a millionaire. He want to be one as well so GET UP!!! I'm not all about that, but I realize... if you're not up then you're sleeping and you have no chance to make changes in your life. You can't clean your living space, you can't be learning, you can't be living to your fullest potential if you lay there in bed til 10 or 11. Nothing is getting donw and chances are, you're gonna sit yourself on the couch all day and let the day pass by without you getting anything accomplished! That's right I said it... nothing will get accomplished. Chances are you won't see one ray of sunshine or feel one drop of rain and you wouldn't know which one is out there becuase you're too busy being counterproductive. I spend the weekends seein gmy kids, family, seeing the world. And I love seeing it! Seeing what other people are doing, feeling the breeze on my face, smiling at other people and looking them in the eyes.

My boss said to my son yesterday (which she has NEVER told me) that when I come to work I always make people smile even if they are having a bad day or don't feel like smiling. The reason for that? Because I am genuinely happy to see each and every person each day and I make sure that they feel appreciated. Apparently, she (my boss) knows that.... and appreciates it.

Purify!!! Get rid of all the excess and unnecessary things that are not conducive to what you want. What is good to you may not be good for you. Remember that! It may sting a little  to say good bye to the person you have been comfortable with or getting rid of that yes man, but it will help out in the end. It will make you better.

The enemy of best is the good. If you're always settling with what's good, you'll never be the best.

-Jerry Rice

This one, talks about getting the most out of life. It also goes in to getting rid on the extra crap that isn't necessary. Lose the yes men and those that would half-ass it in life. Let me say this, if they will half-ass it through life, they will half-ass everything in your friendship. Real talk. For example, you're having a bad day and you need a friend to talk to. Guaranteed they won't pump you up to get motivated again. All they are gonna say is some variation of "Damn, that sucks.... hope it all works out. Don't worry it's not you. They just suck." Great words of encouragement right? PURIFY!!!! Only when it's pure is when it's at it's best!!! Make your life pure!!! Let the rest of the crap go!!! Stop procrastinating and get the most out of it!!! Don't let the people in your life let mediocre be your best!!! If being mediocre is their best it doesn't mean it has to be yours.

Don't make excuses, make adjustments.  If you don't know how to find ET The Hip Hop Preacher, find him on Facebook @ https://www.facebook.com/#!/THEHIPHOPPREACHER

Do me a favor... suggest this blog to 1 friend... just one. I want to have WAY more followers than I have now...

Here we go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reinvention Is The Hardest Thing To Do

Reinvent –

Verb (used with object)

1.

To invent again or anew, especially without knowing that the invention already exists.

2.

To remake or make over, as in a different form: At 60, he reinvented himself as a volunteer. We have an opportunity to reinvent government.

3.

To bring back; revive: to reinvent trust and accountability.

Hello followers, the topic if today is reinvention. This is where I am at in life and I planned to share it with you. I have been thinking lately that I need to change a few things in my life. Hell, even an overhaul. I need more in life than what I am. It’s to the point of needing a change in my life. I need a total overhaul. Each day I feel more and more like I am the one that needs to change. No one around me is changing. In fact, scratch that... the ones that are changing are taking my life and calling it worthless by being backstabbers or ungrateful. So what else do I do but change myself? I could just remain the same, but what good would that do? I’ve tried my hand at being the bad guy and blaming life on everyone else. I’ve tried being the bad guy and shouldering the entire blame saying I deserve everything I get. I’ve tried being the good guy and to ‘kill them with kindness’. Suffice it to say… none of these worked. I’ve been this kind of person all my life.  The one that takes pain, sacrifice, and loneliness to rework it into something else whether it is for revenge, motivation, or proof. In life, most reinvent themselves twice.

1.       The start of high school

2.       Mid-life crisis

As interesting as these moments are in one’s life, we make little changes throughout but only a MAJOR overhaul during these ones.

The interesting thing about these moments is that they are defense mechanisms against change on the outside. For example, let’s take the high school change.

It’s a new surrounding with new people. The significance couldn’t be greater. You find yourself in need of something, some way to fit in but stand apart. Some way to be noticed… reinvention!! Change your way of talking, dressing, walking all in ONE summer… just to get ahead. Well, not really getting ahead cause you’re not winning anything by reinventing yourself but we all seem to think (at that time) that this is the perfect answer to everything.

I went through all that to explain how I am feeling. Basically this, I am going into a reinvention phase in my life. It’s not a mid-life crisis by any stretch but I am desperately trying to find something to believe in. The people in my life are fake, swearing that they are friends but either I don’t know them, or there are more important people in their lives than the guy who dropped everything at one time to lead a helping hand. I am done with it. I can’t change all the fake ass people in my life, so I’ve gotta change me. Clothes, speaking, and the walk aren’t the changes I need. The reinvention process is a way of thinking. How you perceive the world at large. I see everything falling by the wayside after everything is done.

It’s not a positive or negative change; it’s just a part of the reinvention process.  I’ve found that I invest too much energy on things that aren’t investing in me. For example, I’m not gonna lie about my love affair with food. I crave it like nothing else. I eat because it’s there and regardless if I ate a short time before a craving it doesn’t matter, I want it. Last week I ate 3 full meals a matter of half an hour because I just wanted food. I can’t explain how or when this happened… but it did. Topping almost 300 lbs I really need to change that habit. When go thru the energy of constantly eating if it’s having negative impact on my body? Basic law of computers says ‘Garbage in, garbage out’. Even if you eat healthy things all the time, but eat it in bulk there is no benefit. You’re just over eating healthily. Makes no sense either.

To invest in someone, is a big thing for me. I invest in my friends, my family, and my close companion every day. It’s a process of reinvesting because you can choose to leave, not talk to them, or just simply vanish from their lives. The basic principle is this, if I’ve been involved in someone’s’ life for multiple years and they don’t have the decency to be real with me and around me then truthfully I don’t need them or their drama. How can you claim friendship, love, or trust if you can’t keep it real with me? Everything at that point would have been a lie. If I don’t know you then I don’t trust you. Simple as that.

At the point of being 33 years old and seeing my life falling apart at the rate of all the icebergs in Antarctica is a very eye opening experience. It pisses me off to know that people I thought I could trust are either fake or just not being open with me. You can’t see it now, but there is steam coming out of my ears from being so pissed about it.

So, here I sit… what is there in this new process of reinvention? What do I change? One thing I can’t change is how I feel about people. I give myself to friends and that won’t change… I am someone to count on when times are rough… that won’t change either. I guess I can just guard my heart and not let anyone in… period. Not showing emotion because they are not worthy of it. They being fake people, those who would ‘hide’ what they are to my face and knowingly do so.

There are something’s that I do not forgive and that is one of them. If I will invest in you by showing and sharing my life and you would knowingly be fake to me? That’s a wrap. How can it be, that someone would share their life and their deep personal thoughts then have that person turn around and set up a fake persona? It’s pissing me off more just thinking about it.

The absolute question is this? Can you reinvent yourself an a non-critial time? Of course, it is non-critical to others, but for one in need of this reinvention  it is quite critical. Many will remind you that it 'just isn't you' once you start making those changes. It's not an easy task by any stretch when you're trying to make positive changes but people want you to fall flat. I think I can make those moves with or without the confirmations. I've learned that when you believe you know someone... you actually don't. Maybe, the real person you don't know... is yourself.

Back In The Saddle

Well, I'm back online. It's been awhile since my last post. Let me just say that it's been all good as of late. I'm turning 33 in exactly one week from today and I couldn't be happier with life, but I do wish I was younger. I see the greys and I wonder, am I really that old? Of course, to those that are in their 50s I apologize because some wish they had the 33 year old problem. I am just extremely scared of getting old. Onto other things...

I am teetering on 300 pounds! That's right. I used to be this:

Now, I am this:

Way different huh? I hate being this big, however... I choose to be lazy and do nothing about it. It's rediculous how some people bitch about what they can change, but they don't. I don't like what I am physically, but I must not hate it enough to really do anything about it. I recognize my faults and I am aware. Self aware. Not to say that I am the bets, but I am one of a select few that is. I say this a lot in my blogs, but please be self aware and recognize yourself for who you are. Why put yourself down and then get angry if someone doesn't help to put you back together or pick you up? You dug your own ditch so you must've wanted to be there. At least that's how I see it.

Now onto my job... What else can I say? I love it!!! I took today off because I am extremely sick. Head cold. I never miss a day of work when I'm sick. I hate missing days. I learned at a young age from my mother that even if you are sick, just give it a try. Try to go to work and you may feel better as the day goes on. I however, am still feeling like crap. This weekend is going to be tough cause I have a lot to do and I am not feeling very good. I will push through it though. My bosses are so understanding and they make my job so great. I can't begin to tell you how wonderful it all is. I'm truly blessed to work there. Next blog, I'll have to post pics of my cubicle.

Let's move ahead to another thing.... It was a hot topic a few months ago...

It's Tebow time...

Does this image bother you? Does it make you hot under the collar? I want to talk about this for a few. What is the issue on both sides that make people so angry about him and what he does? Or doesn't for that matter?

What Tebow Doesn't

• Throw well consistently
• Talk intelligently about football plays offensively or defensively
• Read defenses well (as per the 2011 season shows)

Let me start by explaining these few things. The throwing well consistently. In only three games did he have a passer rating of over 100. VS KC, San Diego, and Minnesota. See for yourself

Tim Tebow Stats For 2011

Whenever someone talks about how bad Tebow is as a QB, people get all crazy. Well, some do. People say how some hate on Tebow because of his beliefs (Just plain rediculous) or that he is a leader (which he inspires others to play to the best of their abilities) regardless of how horrible he is. The fact is, Tim tebow is just a mediocre QB at BEST! Not saying he can't or won't get better, but as far as 2011 goes... He basically sucked. A season QB rating of 72? That is horrible. Course, with his work ethic he should get better. Will he? Maybe. Is he currently worth more as a vocal leader than say, TJ Yates? NOPE.

I give Tim Tebow all the credit in the world for being a light in a dark and dreary world, but why hate on him for that? I blame the media for that. I did a Google search on Tim Tebow and guess how long it to find a picture of Tebow "Tebowing"? Not in 15 pages. Don't believe me? Try it. Tim Tebow is more that a Christian. He is a mediocre QB that just happens to stand by his faith win or lose. You wanna know some other Christians that are/have been in the NFL?

Reggie White - Minister
Inner City Church (Knoxville, TN)

Ray Lewis - Devout Christian

Tom Landry - Devout Methodist
Taught Sunday School BEFORE games

Tony Dungy - Devout Christian
Shared his faith with everyone including...

Don Davis - Associate Pastor
 Special Teams Backer for NE Partiots in '03 and '04
To...

Now Regional Director Of The NFLPA was previously
Assistant Strength And Conditioning Coach to NE

None of these men are scrutinized nor were they ever whilest they played the game. I had the pleasure of listening to Don Davis deliver a great sermon a few years ago and I will say, he is one of the most down to Earth men Christian or otherwise I have ever met. The media doesn't cover ANYONE like they did Tim Tebow. Everytime they showed him, he was "Tebowing" well, let's call it what it is... PRAYING!!! HE never once asked the audience at home to become a Christian or to stop doing what you do... he just thanks his Lord and Saviour. That's it... nothing more. I bet if he were spotted out drinking like a fish or had illegitimate kids out there those who complain he puts his religion 'in your face' would be saying "See? That's a Christian for you!" One of my favorite players I was ever blessed to see play was 2011 HOF inductee, WR, Safety, CB, Special Teams Returner for the San Francisco 49ers, Washington Redskins, Dallas Cowboys, Atlanta Falcons, and Baltimore Ravens...

Deion Sanders - Mentor to youth and Devout Christian

Back to my original statement about Tebow (after all that). Next up, his 'intelligent' talk about football.

Very generic... so vanilla. While I do think he has the intensity to get it done, he needs to read the playbook more and understand the lingo.

What Tebow Does Well

• Unwaivering faith
• Born Alpha Male Team Leader
• Humble (For the most part)

He begins every single interview (except the post game after the Steelers win) with "First and foremost I want to thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and my teammates..." I can see some athiests shoulders getting all tense. That is exactly what you're conditioned to do. And what's expected. He truly loves his Savior and he just expresses it. Daily. Who cares that he prays? Or that he thanks God every time. Win or lose. Even Ray Lewis said "God don't make mistakes' in his post game speech after the loss to New England.

Ray Lewis is one of the best to ever do it. Not one analyst mentioned him discussing God at all.

Alpha Male Team Leader. Tim Tebow inspires his teammates to be and do better. That's just a plain fact. I don't have to prove it cause the facts are just there. His words and actions speak louder than anything he can do on the field.

He is for the most part humble, except when he is always talking about what he is building a school or hanging with a sick person... Yes, it is important as a Christian to help others and be charitable but the realest of those you will never know they did anything cause they feel good in their heart to do good and don't need to tell the world about it.

Okay, it is time to stop with Tebow talk.  But to continue with football...

Bob Kraft  and Co with AFC trophy!! 2011 AFC Champs!!

I must say that game was a stomach turner!!! Such a great game!! I loved it. So glad they came out on top. Complain about the scoreboard all you want... the Pats WON!!!

Okay, so I'm gone with that talk now... Moving on to something else...

Whatever happened to friendship? It seems everything is dwindling down to nothing as far as my friends go. People will change and I get that, but it is completely upsetting that everyone is leaving my life. To think you can trust people then out of nowhere due to their personal gain or personal vendettas that they will sell me or my true friends/family short to make up a little ground. It's time for some house cleaning I think. Don't keep people in your life that don't value you, your friendship, your love, or your life. Cause if you stick it out with those odds, you're a damn fool and have no one to blame when it goes south. There are so many suckers out there who constantly deal with being pushed around by lovers, useless friends, or just people in general and they seriously believe that they will get good out of it. Plain foolishness. Most definitely. I shouldn't judge but I will in this case. I believe in friendship wholeheartedly and once you have me for a friend you have me for life... however, most don't feel that way other than me. Too many friends turn their backs on me for no reason. I had their backs and they give me no friendship back. Well, at least only when I was relevant. Well no more, if you're out you're out. Fact is, if you ruin our friendship for any reason... I'm out. Never letting you back in either... my rule.

Also, this year I will be moving on from Pop Warner to AYF. I spent many years with Pop Warner, but I will never let my son play there again.... not after what I nor Lynn had to deal with this past year. When working with kids it should NEVER be about politics. It should be about the children. There are certain elements of Leominster Pop Warner that do not believe that. Will I coach or not at AYF? Maybe not, but one thing is for sure... my son will NEVER play Pop Warner again.

Each day I find my self becoming highly critical of those around me. Why the hell is everyone so damn fake? Kissing ass to your face, then dogging you behind your back. Yet, they can be all up on your Facebook as a 'friend' or even still, just cause I may say hi to you occassionally that does not make us friends. I have people in my life who swear they are close to me, but I know good and damn well they would sell me out for a few dollars or to gain favor with someone who would give them more than I can. All I can say is they will find out what type of person I am soon enough. Fact. In that, I will not tolerate fakeness of any sort from anyone. We will no longer be friends in any way. Lose my number and address. All set with that. Whether I've known you for 10 years or 10 minutes... see ya!

In all that you do, you must believe in yourself. Forget what everyone else says. There are those who would dare to say that you can't win, or won't finish. Don't finish it to prove them wrong. Do it because you know you can.I got a call from one of my friends to ask me what my football plans were this year. Now, I was going to go back last year but due to the surgery I had last year that was thwarted. This year, I'm okay to go. I may be A LOT over weight but I can still do O line. I'm ready to try it at least. Many will say that I can't, but you can bet your ass I'm going to give it my all. That's a fact.

I'm in need of a change... and I'm going to make a few changes. Friendships will be ended, sadness will go away, and in order to give way to peace... somethings have to change. Make the necessary changes in your life and you will succeed. Whether it make hurt or not... just make the adjustments and get rid of the trash in your life. Don't bitch about the people in it and give them free passes to ruin you... if you keep that up, I'll tell you to your face you're an idiot.

As always, comments are welcome and so are your subscriptions!! Suggest to friends please!!!

Duck