Reinvent –
Verb (used with object)
1.
To invent again or anew, especially without
knowing that the invention already exists.
2.
To remake or make over, as in a different form: At 60, he
reinvented himself as a volunteer. We have an opportunity to reinvent
government.
3.
To
bring back; revive: to reinvent trust and accountability.
Hello followers, the topic if today is reinvention. This is where
I am at in life and I planned to share it with you. I have been thinking lately
that I need to change a few things in my life. Hell, even an overhaul. I need
more in life than what I am. It’s to the point of needing a change in my life. I
need a total overhaul. Each day I feel more and more like I am the one that
needs to change. No one around me is changing. In fact, scratch that... the
ones that are changing are taking my life and calling it worthless by being
backstabbers or ungrateful. So what else do I do but change myself? I could just
remain the same, but what good would that do? I’ve tried my hand at being the
bad guy and blaming life on everyone else. I’ve tried being the bad guy and shouldering
the entire blame saying I deserve everything I get. I’ve tried being the good
guy and to ‘kill them with kindness’. Suffice it to say… none of these worked.
I’ve been this kind of person all my life.
The one that takes pain, sacrifice, and loneliness to rework it into
something else whether it is for revenge, motivation, or proof. In life, most
reinvent themselves twice.
1.
The start of high school
2.
Mid-life crisis
As interesting as these moments are in one’s life, we make little changes throughout but only a
MAJOR overhaul during these ones.
The interesting thing about these moments is that they are defense
mechanisms against change on the outside. For example, let’s take the high
school change.
It’s a new surrounding with new people. The significance couldn’t
be greater. You find yourself in need of something, some way to fit in but
stand apart. Some way to be noticed… reinvention!! Change your way of talking,
dressing, walking all in ONE summer… just to get ahead. Well, not really getting ahead cause you’re not winning
anything by reinventing yourself but we all seem to think (at that time) that
this is the perfect answer to everything.
I went through all that to explain how I am feeling. Basically
this, I am going into a reinvention phase in my life. It’s not a mid-life
crisis by any stretch but I am desperately trying to find something to believe
in. The people in my life are fake, swearing that they are friends but either I
don’t know them, or there are more important people in their lives than the guy
who dropped everything at one time to lead a helping hand. I am done with it. I
can’t change all the fake ass people in my life, so I’ve gotta change me.
Clothes, speaking, and the walk aren’t the changes I need. The reinvention
process is a way of thinking. How you perceive the world at large. I see
everything falling by the wayside after everything is done.
It’s not a positive or negative change; it’s just a part of the
reinvention process. I’ve found that I
invest too much energy on things that aren’t investing in me. For example, I’m
not gonna lie about my love affair with food. I crave it like nothing else. I
eat because it’s there and regardless if I ate a short time before a craving it
doesn’t matter, I want it. Last week I ate 3 full meals a matter of half an
hour because I just wanted food. I can’t explain how or when this happened… but
it did. Topping almost 300 lbs I really need to change that habit. When go thru
the energy of constantly eating if it’s having negative impact on my body?
Basic law of computers says ‘Garbage in, garbage out’. Even if you eat healthy
things all the time, but eat it in bulk there is no benefit. You’re just over
eating healthily. Makes no sense
either.
To invest in someone, is a big thing for me. I invest in my
friends, my family, and my close companion every day. It’s a process of
reinvesting because you can choose to leave, not talk to them, or just simply
vanish from their lives. The basic principle is this, if I’ve been involved in someone’s’
life for multiple years and they don’t have the decency to be real with me and
around me then truthfully I don’t need them or their drama. How can you claim
friendship, love, or trust if you can’t keep it real with me? Everything at
that point would have been a lie. If I don’t know you then I don’t trust you.
Simple as that.
At the point of being 33 years old and seeing my life falling
apart at the rate of all the icebergs in Antarctica is a very eye opening
experience. It pisses me off to know that people I thought I could trust are
either fake or just not being open with me. You can’t see it now, but there is
steam coming out of my ears from being so pissed about it.
So, here I sit… what is there in this new process of reinvention?
What do I change? One thing I can’t change is how I feel about people. I give
myself to friends and that won’t change… I am someone to count on when times
are rough… that won’t change either. I guess I can just guard my heart and not
let anyone in… period. Not showing emotion because they are not worthy of it.
They being fake people, those who would ‘hide’ what they are to my face and
knowingly do so.
There are something’s that I do not forgive and that is one of them.
If I will invest in you by showing and sharing my life and you would knowingly
be fake to me? That’s a wrap. How can it be, that someone would share their
life and their deep personal thoughts then have that person turn around and set
up a fake persona? It’s pissing me off more just thinking about it.
The absolute question is this? Can you reinvent yourself an a non-critial time? Of course, it is non-critical to others, but for one in need of this reinvention it is quite critical. Many will remind you that it 'just isn't you' once you start making those changes. It's not an easy task by any stretch when you're trying to make positive changes but people want you to fall flat. I think I can make those moves with or without the confirmations. I've learned that when you believe you know someone... you actually don't. Maybe, the real person you don't know... is yourself.
