So here it is... Thanksgiving Eve and here I sit. I'm trying to think of how to word this blog post.
Usually around this time of year, people start thinking of family, resolutions, and what will come the following year. The problem with that is I find too many times no one recognizes their own limitations... Or strengths. This is why I would rather limit who I attach myself to or who I deal with. So many people would rather psyche themselves up to believe in a lie than to prepare for the truth.
When you are a strong willed person, those that know you best would rather try to tenderize you than rise to the occasion and be better. It seems easier for that.
I have lost some weight over the past few months and I am eating healthier. I am in a better place in my life but sadly enough, I say to myself (almost mechanically) I hate my life. It's almost on a daily basis. I almost loathe everything about it. Loathe is a strong word. In my heart, I appreciate where I am in my life. It's my surroundings I guess. I am on my own and in my own mind at peace. It is only there that I can find the peace that I desire at the young age of 34 (soon to be).
I am always on my own when it comes to understanding how my mind works and what I want. As I said before, I say that I hate my life out loud and while it may (or may not be true) I don't even think it matters much. I need my own space. I need to find a place I can go on my own, rejuvenate, and have inner peace. I have hit the final stages in my life. Final as in I don't feel like talking about what bothers me anymore. If I say something bothers me, I'm dead serious about it and don't say I didn't warn you about it.
As 2013 gets ready to show itself to us, there is a sense of urgency worldwide I think. In part, the Mayan calendar claims that 21Dec is it for mankind. Some believe it is going to mark the beginning of an awakening for mankind. I think it may be a bit of both. People will wake up to the needs of the world.How people treat each other will cease to exist (hopefully). In order for mankind to survive we must learn to communicate better and live in harmony and change not only how we interact but moreover, how we react.
In 2012, I saw an opportunity for change. I made a few 'corrections'. I see the need to make so many more as 2012 comes to a close.
There was a mantra I had as a teenager and a twenty-something man... Either you're with me or against me. If you're with me then let's roll, and if not then get the hell out of my way or get moved out. Simple and short. I gotta get back to that. No emotional connection to it, no real story to be told behind it, just straight to the point. In other words, have my back or be on yours. Pretty basic. It's time for me to make people put up or shut up. I keep hearing people talk about it, but its majorily lies anyways. It's mostly conditional. If I am living my life to their liking, then they mean every word of what they say and if I am being me then I am a not worth a damn. It's all good. I've said it a few times, handshakes don't match smiles. That's all that is.
As I finish this short post on Thanksgiving Day, I'll finish with what I am most thankful for.
I'm thankful for my wonderful children, my family that supports me in all things (even when they know I'm wrong), those that are haters and conditionally care about me (keeps me on my toes and reminds me to stay focused), and most of all... I'm truly grateful that I can wake up each day and I still can make the choices I need to make to get better. Whether I do or not... That's another story.
