What I Miss The Most In Life...

WOW!! Hello everyone (well, the 3 or 4 people who actually read these posts). It's been a few months since I last wrote. I've been really busy. Let me share what has been going on.

1: I got a job managing a Sprint location. The pay kinda sucks, but I make due.

2: I've moved into a house.

3.: I got a dog.

3: I've decided to NOT play football with the Gardner Sabercats.

4: I am slowly... losing... my... mind.

Now, I can say I'm happy to be working. However, I don't get paid NEARLY enough to do this job. As a Verizon Wireless employee, I made GREAT money and had excellent benefits. With this job the insurance alone is $375.00 a month. Yup, not good. I do get a very flexible schedule and I can still coach Pop Warner. So I deal with the pay.

**NOTE: DO NOT DO RETAIL FOR YEARS ON END BECAUSE YOU WILL GET TYPECAST !!!

I applied for many jobs over the years and I can assure you that you will get stuck in retail almost forever!!

I have moved into a house and it is in a great location. I hated it at first, but now that I've lived there for a few months I do appreciate it more. At night, you can see plenty of stars, as our road is nowhere near a main road. The house inside is very hard to maintain and keep clean (which is a hard task in and of itself). Colin Cowie once said (and I paraphrase) "A messy home means a messy mind. So why not clean your home, organize it and you'll feel happier.". That stuck with me. It's been 6 years since I heard him say that and I try to stay true to it. Of course I can't do it alone, but it's hard to manage. When the home is messy, I just don't want to be there. It creates an anxiety that I can't describe. Who doesn't feel better after they can sit down after a long day in a clean home? Everything just feels right. since moving I can't say I feel that same "AHHHHHH" feeling. It's more like a hectic "I gotta get this done!!!!! As in right now!!!" type of feeling.
I honestly hate that feeling. My shoulders are always tense when I get home...

Onto my dog, her name was Princess (YUCK!!!) so I changed it to Mocha. She is an American Pit Bull Terrier with a Shih Tzu mind. She is the most loveable dog ever!!! I just love her to pieces!! She has a brown coat with white on her chest. The reason why I say a Shih Tzu mind is cause she almost never barks and she loves to sit on mine or Heather's lap... problem is she is almost sixty pounds and she is almost five feet tall... at 10 months. Also, she is afraid of Maverick... our cat! Now understand he is a Maine Coon cat and weighs twenty pounds. Cute as heck though. Right now, Mocha is on the tail end of her period... it is the most disgusting thing ever!! She drips all over the place so we are always cleaning it up. We should buy stock in the Swiffer WetJet!! That aside, she is the usual puppy. You know, like chewing up stuff (like two pairs of my sandals, plastic bowls, cups, clothes). Yup, just a usual puppy.

NFL Head Coach 09

Football is my life. I actually have fun playing NFL Head Coach (which I just bought again for PS3). I enjoy developing plays and watching it come to "life" in the game... as well as coaching Pop Warner. I have been off the Topamax for two months now and I haven't experienced migraines in a while... unless I get the slightest bit stressed then it's game over. I couldn't afford the 'non-insurance' payments of $386.00 a month. I started getting the shakes again... So I took myself off the roster for the Sabercats. I hate that I did it... but health comes first. Everytime I see a status update about my friends playing for the Twin City Blue Raiders or the 'Cats, my heart sinks. I just miss it like I'd miss breathing. Football makes me better. Playing and fighting for that common goal of winning, making a first down, stopping a run. It is a feeling like no other. I'd even say it's like having sex for the first time...only better. And I'd get that rush every play... every time. Football is like my girlfriend that is also my best friend and knows where to hit me where it hurts. As a coach, I'm always trying to figure out what the other coach is going to run... I want to know what she is thinking. As a player, I want that rock!!!... I want to figure out how to get her ready so I can have my way. Only football players know this feeling so it may sound strange to you... or even demented. Most football players have it. Even if I can't have her, I just want to be near her... I know, I know... most won't understand.

Losing my mind... yup... I am. I think about getting old and I can't take it. I think about what if I have Parkinsons.. which came up as an option. Who would care for me? My eyes would show that I am sharp as ever... but my body wouldn't be able to keep up... scared isn't even close to what I feel. It is so hard to have everyone depend on you for strength and they can't hold up themselves without help... why am I the fall guy? I am maintaining my own, but how can I be Atlas at the same time? I can't hold up the world as well? I don't mind being an ear... or even a shoulder but to be responsible for saving someones' well being is just too much!!! No one understands that but me...

It's summer and Pop Warner is calling my name again... I wish I could coach a semi-pro team but that is not to be right now. Maybe one day I'll have the money to buy one and I will be able to coach... We start on August 1st in Pop Warner... so I guess coaching Pop Warner will have to do.

As Always,

Duckie

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