I Am What You Think I Am... An Asshole. And Guess What? IDGAF.

  Here I am, quite a few months removed from my last post. Since then, the holidays have FINALLY passed, my son has been selected for AP English, Social Studies, and Math for his freshman classes as well as turning fourteen. My daughter has turned eight as well. So much more has gone on in my life and I can't possibly cover all of it. So here it is... What I can cover.

  I want what I want. I work two jobs at about sixty to seventy hours a week and I put in quite few hours to break just about even. I see my kids once or twice a week when I'm not working, sleeping, cleaning, or trying to organize my thoughts to work on getting my mind right to get back to the gym and ready for football again (we'll cover that in a few). I don't have time to explain my needs in life or wants anymore. I'm now 36 and I will not continue to keep going over what I expect from the people in my life. Either you're in or out. My life is NOT a revolving door anymore. It's a one way door and that is it. Respect it or check out. Simple. I will certainly respect it if anyone ever needed to check out of my life due my way of thinking not fitting their style. I'm not exactly 'one size fits all' and I know that. What I will not do as well is keep talking about the same thing over and over again and expect a different result. THAT is the definition of insanity. If I say I want something then dammit that is EXACTLY what I want. I don't mince my words. If it's asked, then I say it. It may come across shallow, it may come across as wrong, hell it may come across as abrasive but I really don't care  My life is topsy turvy and I don't have time to play games with people in my life. People spend so much time talking and talking about what they want to do or what they're going to do that they actually never get around to doing a damn thing. I speak my mind and don't care who hears or what people think about it. Ask a question, you'll get an answer. Period. I spent far too long holding back and that part of me is dead. I deserve what I want and if I don't get it it's on those that don't give it to me. Simple as that.

 

 

 

  I am what I am. I know I'm an asshole. I don't care who knows it and I really couldn't care less about who feels some type of way about it. I don't have many friends and I like it that way. Many people swear they are my friends and you know what? They aren't. Simple as that. Many people say they care and they don't. Simple as that. Rob always spoke his mind and it pissed a LOT of people off. At the end of the day when he laid his head down he felt the same way he spoke when he said what he said and those that felt bitter about what he sais felt.... well, bitter about what he said cause they probably felt that he had no right to feel the way he did but at least he owned his feelings. I OWN my crazy and I own my feelings. Don't like how I feel? Tough shit. Don't like me because of my feelings? Again, I like me. If you don't like you well I suggest you do something to change that. Do us BOTH a favor, stop talking about what you don't like about you and change it for fucks sake. There's no time like the present to do what you say you're gonna do rather than repeat the same bullshit story and repeat it... and rinse and repeat it.... and rinse and repeat it... the shit gets old after a while. Get my meaning? I dislike people, in fact I give to people out of kindness because it's just the right thing to do. It's not because I owe people, but because I like to. I now take two anti-depressants and I still take anti-seizure medicine. My life guaranteed will be cut short. Fact is, I am okay with that. However I DON'T have the time to keep repeating myself.... Lorazepam, Topamax, and Celexa are my life now. Yeah, I'm a total mess. Do I get to lie down and call my life over? No. Do I get to say "It's a wrap, my Dad is dead and I can curl up in a ball and sleep my life away and everyone and everything can go to hell?" No. Fuck that. If I can't I'll be God damned if ANYONE else in my crew can get a moment to give up either. Buck up or get out. Be excellent, or get gone.

  At the end of the day, I take no prisoners. friend, foe, family.... whoever... all of it is irrelevant. You give me your word and I take you at such. You can't keep it, then respect yourself and me enough to say you can't and it's fine. OWN YOUR CRAZY! It doesn't take much to do that. A pebble without a flaw means more to me than a diamond with one. I'm over bullshit, drama, lip service, fakeness, laziness, and all around backstabbing. To ALL this I say NO MORE!!!!!

  Football season is coming... I'm back.... Southern New Hampshire Beavers. Number 93 is back with a vengeance. No one... and I repeat.... NO ONE will stop me!!! I want vengeance. I worked hard to become an amateur strongman and competed through at the age of 35 and people thought I was crazy, yet I finished. This year, I will stand across from my old coaches and they will see how wrong they were when they thought I was done. I can't wait....

This bullshit here...

 

The bullshit above was my normal two years ago... NO MORE. I'm done. At 36, I will AGAIN do the impossible. FUCK THAT. Green and gold. I'm loyal until they are no longer loyal to me. Fact is this, if you looked at your life as a football team and you are the starting QB and you are the general manager as well, your job is to sign the best offensive linemen to block for you, you're going to want the best for your time and money. You won't want those that are going to bitch about every little thing are you? You're going to want those that are going to help you and keep the defense and bullshit off of you without question. If you can't keep ONE off of you... you lose yards and you're sacked. Manage your time and your team.

 

 

In summation, Drake's new track 'Energy' covers it with the lyric:

 

I got enemies, got a lotta enemies

Got a lotta people tryna drain me of this energy
They tryna take the wave from a nigga
Fuckin’ with the kid and pray for your nigga

 

 

Listen to the track here. 

 

 

Point is this... I want it all. I want and DEMAND excellence. I accept NOTHING less. Get on... or get out. 

 

 

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