A Little Confidence....

Hey everyone and happy Sunday Funday! Some stuff to talk about, but shouldn't be much. Just thoughts and musings from a mad man.

I hung out with my best friend Tony yesterday and the day was awesome! We went to the movies and we saw ....

Don Jon! Absolutely hilarious.... and true. Gordon Joseph-Levitt (of 3rd Rock From The Sun fame) wrote and directed this flick. I think it was really well written and definitely made sense. I will say he is really addicted to porn.... really. Great reasons why though. If guys were to watch the first 10 minutes of the movie they could make sense of the reason why most men watch porn. Not to mention Scarlett Johansson was super hot in it...

My boy Tony came over first thing in the morning and he helped me do yard work for hours yesterday. He volunteered his time to help. That's what friends do. I didn't even have to ask for his help cause he offered it without me even thinking of asking him. I totally appreciated it. We have what is called, a friendship. It's one thing to say we're 'friends' and call me once every three or four months and say 'Wow! It's been too long since we hung out. Let's plan something soon.' and have nothing come to fruition. We get together about every other week and watch football, or get together for a few drinks and talk, and his wife will even have me over for dinner. He's never asked me for a thing in return. We just got it like that. We are different in many ways, but one thing we definitely agree on... loyalty should be rewarded.

Me and Chicago on CBS Scene balcony this past June

 

 

The movie Don Jon had me thinking a lot. I spent a great deal of time thinking about relationships, love, life... you know... the adult stuff. Friday night, I was in Home Depot buying a few things and I saw my ex that I was with for five long years.... with her husband. Sure, I've passed her on the highway, I've walked past her before since we broke up, I've even had a phone conversation with her once... but this time it felt different. She looked miserable.... very miserable. Now, I understand a lot of times people will misconstrue what is seen in an ex because it's what you want to see. This... wasn't that. I've always said The eyes are the window to the soul. I saw someone who was looking at her life and wondering where all the time went... like it had passed her by. For a fleeting moment I almost wanted to say hi (even with her husband there) but I thought better of it and walked down another aisle. Then I laughed my ass off. I felt so good about it. I know it's wrong, but I still had to laugh. Now I still definitely have love in my heart for her, but the choices we make are the choices we take.

 

I am acutely aware of my health. The tonic-clonic seizures that are returning again, the dislocated left thumb, the torn ligament in my right, in addition to the fluid buildup on BOTH my knees now... I know my life is pretty much halfway over. I find myself questioning my surroundings more. I question people around me more. I am just seeing people as whiny, self-absorbed, and ill-tempered. When it comes to feeling, people would rather make it situational and craft them to their needs. Sure, people love you when they need you, they're trying to change you from what you are, looking to get something out of you. That's when love comes in. I start to wonder, who will love me in 15 years? If I truly am starting to get Parkinson's and when I can no longer control my ticks? What if I eventually will not be able to walk without assistance? Or if the words I am saying don't make sense to them? Who? The answers I have come up with are frightening.

 

 

I posted this earlier on my Facebook. I have to say... I agree wholeheartedly. It's more about the confidence you have while you are wearing whatever it is that you are wearing. If you have NO confidence, no one gives you that 'confidence' you gotta get that from inside. I always am trying to make myself look better. Not for other people, but for me. I do everything I can to keep heads turning. It's just my nature. I always want people to notice when I walk in a room. I have that Alpha Male personality. Some women I've known in life dress provocatively and only do so to get the attention, then end up with someone that uses them and always makes them feel inferior. Some rock jeans and a tee just cause it's comfortable. Some even throw on a mishmash of clothes and still say it's just how they dress and they don't care. All of them have that confidence. It's the playfulness in the eyes, the conviction behind the smile, the intensity in the eyes. I've met some that dress like any of the three and they don't know how beautiful they truly are... but part of them doesn't want to know. They just want to be in that limbo. Never changing and then blaming past relationships or people in general for their lack of confidence.

 

No one can make you look, dress, like certain things, or live a certain way other than how you want to. It's about comfort levels and that's it. If someone is used to living clean and having things in a certain order and you're not that way, then expect the hammer to drop all the time because someone is put out of their comfort zone reluctantly. It's an adjustment. If you aren't comfortable in your skin and you just don't feel like you can be confident, but you aren't willing to change it... then don't be the asshole that has the nerve to blame other people for your short comings or even worse, making them feel wrong for wanting better for you.

 

With ALLLLLLL of these things said I can compare my life to late summer. Still hot, got hustle and bustle going on, everything is still vibrant and everyone is becoming aware that the season is coming to a close. I ask myself, is this truly where I want to be when the fall of my life is in full swing? Hanging with Tony Chicago was great. He will be there til I leave this planet. I know that. We might have a disagreement or two, but we will always have each others backs. I also wonder why people don't just say what they really feel AND accept what comes of it? If I don't like something, I have every right to say something. You (as the listener) can say whatever you want in regards to that, but seriously say it without yelling about it or dismissing what I say by retaliating with some BS excuse. Speak up! Say whatever it is. Why placate? Or if you don't like something, you have every right to say what you might be feeling but remember that I don't have to stop doing what I was doing and with that I accept what your course of action may be. If someone said they thought my house was messy every time they came over let's say. And they thought I could 'clean up a little more'. I might agree with them, but I'd also say that we could hang at their house more often as well. If they didn't want to come over anymore cause they felt I wasn't 'clean' enough for their standards I'd respect it. We'd just get together somewhere neutral and hang or I'd go to their place. Hell, I'd possibly try to clean a little more and then invite them over later on.

 

I guess I'll leave this post for you to digest and decide what you think. The BIG takeaway is...

 

A little confidence can go a LONG way.

 

Share, comment, think....

 

 

Much love...

Take The Shot!

Sitting here watching my son tryout for the seventh grade traveling team I realize one thing.... time is running short. I've been at this father business for many a year and it's something you only hope goes well for the long run. I've coached him him basketball for four years now and I'm letting him go out for something without being under my watchful eye.

 

As a parent, you want to "coach up" your child throughout life and show them the right way and the wrong way, the easiest versus the hardest, the long versus the short... the lessons are endless. I look back to when he first came home with Lindsey and I, and I refused to hold him for about six or seven months outside of the hospital. I had a dream I was holding him and I looked up and saw Anthony, then looked back at Da'lin and he turned to dust in my arms. Still remember that dream like it was yesterday. I held him in the hospital a few times, but I knew the nurses were there. Finally after a lot of coaching from Lindsey and seeing he needed me to...I finally did it. I haven't let go since. I've been through so much as a father and I can't say I've been right all the time, but it's a trial and error thing. You only hope to not screw up too badly.

 

At this stage in my life, I know the summer of my life is in it's final stretch. People my age are starting to carve out a home, a spouse, a career, a family type setting. They're letting go of the childish things like clubbing, one night stands, insecurities, stuff like that. At 34, I know my body is having major pains, my head is hurting a lot more, my memory never really came back, I'm starting to nest, and I am trying to find some quiet as well as bring along friends that I trust and need (some old ones and some new).

 

For a few years now, I've been the bitter "old" man. I still get angry at the past, I question the decisions I've made, I wonder "what ifs"... who knows where I'd be if I had stayed in the Army like I wanted. Or if I'd just moved to North Carolina when I was 19 like I planned.

 

It was once said in a Beatles song "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans." It is so true. You plan for something and then..... POOF! The surroundings change, or the rules change, your situation changes. Some beyond your control, some not. Some people present their truth which turns into a lie. Sometimes, they change just simply because they can. Or they stay the same and bitch about life never getting better....

 

Much thinking being done at basketball tryout. I guess I'd tell you this in closing. One hundred percent of the shots you don't take are the ones you're definitely gonna miss.

The Battle, The Vision, The Stand, and The Endgame

Morning everyone (like all 3 of you that read my blog) and Happy Sunday Funday!! Gotta say, I'm sore as hell. Got a lot I would like to talk about so this may take a while. Let's see what comes to mind in this 'freestyle' post.


The Undefeated

First of all, our game last night was fantastic. We played as a team and we played HARD! I don't get to play that much, but when I do... I go 110%. We had a special team captain named Bennett. He is battling Cancer and is probably around 9 or so. There was an interview on LATV (Leominster Local Access) that one of was done back in July that featured a few people from our team as well as little Bennett. He is a GREAT kid that was all smiles. He ran the football on a handoff from the 20 yard line and 'scored' a touchdown. The team we played, Franklin County Greyhounds helped him do it by pretending to defend him. Such a class organization. They showed up with 13 players. 13!!! The line played both ways and some guys were even limping, but never gave up. We won 55 - 0. It was crazy. Much respect to that organization out west. 8 - 0. That's where we are. Last time I played my last game on that field, my team was 1 - 7. I was captain on that team. We played hard. We actually had to get guys to just come in and play the last game with us cause we only had 16 guys stay throughout the season. That's in the past. I have no words to explain how I am feeling. To be part of greatness and give my all to it and see the rewards instantly. Just amazing.

Facebook and the Internet (Telephone) Tough Guy

I guess I honestly really have this love/hate relationship with Facebook. People bitch about a lot of things on Facebook (as do I sometimes) publically on Facebook. The political bullshit that shows up on my news feed is REALLY annoying and I can't STAND the Political Facebook Analysts that have to try to convince me about our President and who/what/when he is doing anything. Not saying I agree or don't with all our policies but dammit grow the hell up! At the end of the day, whatever person is in office will remain in office until the end of said term and possible reelection. If the President got elected that means a majority of the country said 'Yes, I believe this person will have my best interests at heart for the next 4 years'. What people don't get? They act like children saying whatever they can because their candidate lost so us 'that voted for him' have to listen to them piss and moan about how the POTUS sucks and this or that. Fact is, if their candidate won the election and passed the same laws (signed the bill) I wholeheartedly believe that they wouldn't say a word. I spoke on Obamacare last post. Guess who signed something similar on the state level MANY years before Obama even ran? Wanna guess? It was Romney. Romney had Massachusetts on a similar bill, just not on the federal level. Get over it. Go be a CNN Political Contributor or hell, RUN FOR OFFICE SINCE YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER!

... And Game Request Hater

Pretty simple one here... hate game requests? Block them. Or the whole thing for that matter. Facebook has thousands (if not tens of thousands) of games and yes, chances are you will get requests. Don't be so pissed about it. Cut and dry.

...And The Revenge Commenter

So those people that will attack your character just because you commented on their status (and didn't agree with them) or you said something funny to their comment. They feel the need to say mean-spirited things about you just because you don't agree with them. It's kind of sad really.

... And The Relationship Rebounder

The best part of Facebook is keeping tabs on who is dating who. Post five million pics of some random person that they are 'in love' with, and then break up and post pics of the next person cause the last one didn't work out. Oh and it's literally within days of the previous break up.



I want to ask them if they have really thought this thing through. I mean really? We all know you are faster than Dale Earnhardt Jr racing for pole position at Talledega. Just plain dumb. It would be okay that they do move around from person to person if they weren't...

The Public Relationship For The Masses Person

Why air all your dirty laundry on Facebook then get mad for people choosing a side? I mean, you put it out there for public opinion so why not let them tell you what they think? Or even worse, every other day how happy you are in that relationship. Ok, we get it. Everyone knows you are in that relationship but everyday? Get a room! LOL!

Epilepsy And Football

It's never easy 'living' with epilepsy. No clue when you're going to have another grand mal or petite mal seizure, or a tonic - clonic seizure. Migraines that will debilitate you or lose your thoughts and ability to think clearly. Everything is moment by moment. I still play and there are even moments where I feel a little out of sorts, but I keep on going. I love this sport. I love this game. There is no greater feeling than being on that field. I'm not great at anything, but I'm good at a lot of things. I still have a 'tick' where my right arm shakes occasionally and I can't control it. Some definitely will think I'm crazy... but as long as I push my limits, I will eventually learn how far I can go. I have had nine documented concussions and chances are I definitely shouldn't be playing, but I just love this game way too much.

Peace Within, Peace Without

So, I must annoy some people with my positive attitude on Facebook and always trying to post positive statuses. People think I can't be that positive. Here's the thing. I'm not. I just keep it real with everyone around me. If I'm having a bad day and don't want to be bothered... then that's it. I make it known plain and simple. If I dislike someone, then they are just going to be disliked. That's all. I don't let other people bother me about what they think in regards to me because I know exactly who I am and I don't care what anyone thinks. If I say something, I'll stand by it. I guess the golden rule is just be honest about who you are. Don't lie and say that you believe one thing and then turn around and make it something else when the pressure is on. Just be truthful about it. If you dislike something about yourself then change it. If you're comfy with it that's fine too. BUT DON'T SWITCH IT WHEN IT SUITS YOU!! Don't complain about life, yet do nothing to change it. Life shouldn't be stagnant. You ever heard that nothing can grow in stagnant water? Well nothing good can come from being stagnant. Do something. ANYTHING. Whatever that thing is you better make sure it is moving in a positive direction.

I Hate People

It is the truth. I do. Mainly for the reasons I outline above. I can't really see why people act the way they do and have to make things hard on themselves. I guess it just makes my blood boil when people can't even see the point I try to make. They don't have to agree with my point. Just let me have it. I own my point and everything has to be a fucking debate. I allow people to have their opinions and whatever they may think, just let me be me. That's all. I don't need to go back and forth about my point. I said it, I meant it so let's move on from it. Period. That is why I just don't like people. I'm fine if people don't like me. I'm fine if they hate me. It's all good. There is no point in being an asshole to me though. Just avoid me and that will be that. I won't take it personally. What I DO take personally is when people are double-tongued and talk about me behind my back then are nice to my face. That shit annoys the hell out of me. If you hate me that's fine. I'm not exactly everyone's flavor. Respect will be paid though. Tell me you dislike or hate me and then I'll actually respect you more for it. Hell, most people can't even like themselves and stick to making it work. Who has the balls to be honest with themselves and change what they don't like? I struggle with it every single day. The difference is, I accept I will fail. I accept I will not do something I said I was going to do. I just accept my imperfections. That's it. If you can't be adult enough to listen to constructive criticism or to what people don't like about you personally without you taking like a damn five year old temper tantrum then you probably should go crawl under a rock cause it's gonna be a damn LONG miserable life.

That's it my friends.... that's all I got.

Share (please) and comment (please). As before... they are ALWAYS welcome.

The Bible, The Governement, Nothing In Between

Evening everyone. It's been 5 weeks since I posted last and I have been waiting for the right time to say everything I want to. Let me warn you, some things I will type may offend you. That's ok. You may disagree and that's even ok. I'm getting it off my chest. I'm gonna discuss Obamacare (that's right.... that one), The Bible (back to basics of this blog baby), the UNDEFEATED Central Mass Sabercats, and whatever else comes to mind... and not necessarily in that order....



In God.... Well, in God (blind faith that I'm right and your God is wrong) (Even though God is God) We (I think) Trust


John 13:34-35 - New International Version

³⁴ “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. ³⁵ By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”


These were the words of Jesus to his disciples shortly before he was to be put to death for the sins of all mankind. Love one another. Pretty basic and simple principle. Love. HE DID NOT SAY 'Love whoever is a straight, tax paying, law abiding, gun toting, white person that will agree with everything you say.' Of course, there were no guns back then but you should get the point. He just said 'Love one another'. One another has NO bounds and means literally.... ONE ANOTHER = EVERYONE! Homosexual DOES NOT mean hate! Other skin color DOES NOT mean hate! Different from you DOES NOT mean hate. Period.

John 15:18-23 - New International Version

¹⁸ “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. ¹⁹ If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. ²⁰ Remember what I told you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’^[b] If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. ²¹ They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the one who sent me. ²² If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not be guilty of sin; but now they have no excuse for their sin. ²³ Whoever hates me hates my Father as well.

Later on, Jesus says Himself the words above. Hate (while a strong word) is very powerful. Hate can make a WHOLE country go to war with another. Hate can make a person quit their job. Hate can make a person stop shopping at a store. Hate can make a person hurt themselves just to prove a point. Hmmmmmm, let's hang on to that. Hurt themselves just to prove a point. Yeah, that happens more often than not. These people will condemn homosexuals and try to save the sanctity of marriage making themselves look awfully foolish in the process. Does it make sense to protect 'the sanctity of marriage' (A RELATIONSHIP) when that person has sex outside of the wedlock they are so drawn to protect? Or to live with someone they are 'having premarital sex' with? Look, I don't care who does what but don't stand in the cover of God and religion when you fall just as short. Believe ALL of the Bible. Not just the parts that relate to you and further your vendetta. Makes no sense. Sure, those that believe in this verse:

Leviticus 18:22 - King James Version

²² Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

Point well taken... Let's cover other 'don't s' shall we? I'll flip it to The Message version of the Bible to make it easier to understand.

 NO Crucifixes: Leviticus 19:4

⁴ “Don’t take up with no-god idols. Don’t make gods of cast metal. I am God, your God

NO Using His Name In Vain: Leviticus 19:12

¹² “Don’t swear falsely using my name, violating the name of your God. I am God.

NO Revenge: Leviticus 19:18

¹⁸ “Don’t seek revenge or carry a grudge against any of your people.

NO Tattoos: Leviticus 28:28

²⁸ “Don’t gash your bodies on behalf of the dead.
“Don’t tattoo yourselves. I am God. 


 In other words.... TAKE ALL OF IT! If you should believe in God, believe ALL of what He said. Seriously. Why believe ONE verse but dismiss all the rest? Hmmmm.... ok so marriage is WAY more 'important' than tattoos or crucifixes or getting revenge. Oh, ok. Is it really???

1 John 5:16-17

^16-17 For instance, if we see a Christian believer sinning (clearly I’m not talking about those who make a practice of sin in a way that is “fatal,” leading to eternal death), we ask for God’s help and he gladly gives it, gives life to the sinner whose sin is not fatal. There is such a thing as a fatal sin, and I’m not urging you to pray about that. Everything we do wrong is sin, but not all sin is fatal.

See EVERYTHING you do wrong is a sin. Tattoos (I have 5) are a sin, looking for or wanting revenge (I have a lot) is a sin, saying 'GODDAMMIT!!' (I have a bad habit of it) is a sin. I was told at a young age, a sin is a sin is a sin. All sin is equal. So if you wish harm on that homosexual you hate so much then yours is equal to theirs. If they choose to live with it then that's fine. Does it mean God will love them less? Nope. Remember the first verse I put up there? Love one another? Yeah that one. Jesus was talking about those that would betray Him. Those that would kill Him. LOVE ONE ANOTHER. Period. My disclaimer is this.... I have a VERY close friend of mine that is like a brother to me that happens to be gay. I also have a family member that is gay. I met one of the coolest lesbian couples that are beautiful women inside and out.... and never once did it come to mind that 'OH MY GOD.... I'm hanging with a lesbian couple!!!' Look the answer is simple...  Love (while patient, not envious, and kind) is blind. If God is love, then love knows no boundaries and it is irrelevant who you have it for.       

Now, while I am talking about religion FREEDOM OF religion DOES NOT MEAN you have the freedom to not hear about my religion or for you to feel free to keep me quiet about mine cause yours is different. Don't like the Pledge having 'under God'? Your children don't have to say that part. Don't like the US dollar having 'In God We Trust'? Don't spend it or don't acknowledge it's there. See, the FREEDOM part means you can worship where you want and so can I. The government shouldn't say you can't as they shouldn't say I can't. Don't like me saying 'Merry Christmas'? Say 'Happy Holidays' back. That's all. You do your thing, I do mine.


 Damn That Obamacare!!!!!!!

http://obamacarefacts.com/obamacarebill.pdf 

See that ^^^^^^^? Read it.

Here is what I know to be true about the insurance industry. Big time lobbyists and it is totally unavoidable. Insurance is like this....

100 people decide they want to start a fund to take care of one another in the event of sickness. So they all decide to put in 10 bucks a month.

$10.00 x 100 people = $1000.00/month

Let's say a few of those people do in fact get sick.... A LOT!!! How about 5 of them. Let's say the expenditures (copays, meds, and doctors pay) are $50.00.

$50.00 x 5 people = $250.00/month

Now that leaves the rest who haven't gone to the doctor at all $750.00 left in the kitty.

If this should continue at this trend, imagine if someone got REALLY sick! Hospital stay at $50.00 a day and so on. Now imagine 5 of those people decided to become a Board Of Directors so to speak of the 'insurance' company. After a few months of taking care of the funds and working with doctors to get into their 'plan' they decide that they should get paid for the work they do. Let's say $15.00/BOD Member/month

$15.00 x 5 people = $75.00/month

EVERY MONTH (out of $1000.00/per month)

+$1000.00 - $250.00 - $75.00 = $675.00 for everyone else's coverage AND pharmaceutical needs as well as labs to pay for THE OTHER 95 PEOPLE!!!

ALSO WE DIDN'T EVEN COVER THE COPAY OF THE INSURED!!

We haven't EVEN covered the deductibles to the doctors that the insurance will pay for you!!! We're almost down half!! That's just the basics!!! Let's add to this from the other side.

Let's say there are 5 people that didn't 'buy in' to the plan. 3 of them went to the doctor. Those 3 had a payment of $50.00 due because of no insurance.

$50.00 x 3 people = $150.00 in the red

Someone has to pay for all this stuff.... right? I mean, there's the doctor (who pays to be in the 'network') and the pharma that is supplying the FREE "sample" meds the doctor gave the person that didn't have coverage cause they felt for the person.

Let's add one Obamacare stipulation: Everyone must buy in. No matter who you are. 

So while the 'insurance company' has 100 people and there are 5 people without that just aren't paying... until now.

Those 5 go on subsidized insurance because they have no jobs. They will pay nothing for the insurance, yet pay $1.00 for insurance co-pays and the subsidized insurance giver pays all the rest. The price of the labs, the doctor bill, the meds doesn't change. It stays the same.

Let's say 5 more STILL don't get insurance (subsidized or the 'group') they will be forced to pay tax penalties.... They still don't pay the penalties and the hospital can't turn them away. Again, the bills don't change.

The pharma can raise rates (as well as the machine makers for X-Rays and the like) so the doctor is forced to do what? Raise rates. That in turn leads to the 'insurance' group to raise their 'buy in' rates.

That's it in a nut shell. Use whatever else you want but Obamacare you better read for yourself.

But please, DO EXACTLY THAT!!! Read FOR YOURSELF!!!

Part II to come on Sunday!!

I'll then cover the Central Mass Sabercats.... Will we be 8 - 0 for an UNDEFEATED SEASON?

Peace in the heart and soul. How is it possible I keep it?

How do I stay afloat with football while battling migraines and epilepsy? Yeah... let's talk about that.

Oh.. and ignorant people on Facebook.... I got a LOT to say about that....

What's this 'Rev' name about??


As always.... make sure to comment... (please) and share this blog. It's pretty interesting. :o)

Rev Duck
#93