Ascension To Power

Yeah, that's me. I made it back. I'm ready to fight, kick, claw, and bleed to make it to the championship. Three years ago, I was shaking and having epileptic fits wondering if I had a brain tumor, Parkinson's, or an aneurysm (as what the doctors told me) and here I am. I'm 22 lbs lighter and BARELY faster, but I'm still getting it done. I work hard and play hard. I make no misconceptions, I don't see myself as a starter every week but I will bust my ass to do my job. I've had moments where I wanted to leave it behind, but I keep going back to playing. Words can't describe what I feel when I'm on the field. There's an electricity that comes from being out there mixing it up.

This was 20 lbs lighter on the right.

I've put in a lot of work to get to where I am. It required a lot of supplements, working out, and of course... practice. We started in February and we had practice from 9 - 11 PM on Mondays and Wednesdays. Yeah, you read that right. Some nights I didn't get home til 1130 or 12 and still I got up and went to work for 930. We moved to Tuesday and Thursday nights 630 til 830 back in early May. I have lost a grand total of 22 lbs, but I have really only been working with the team on practice nights and have pretty much abandoned the gym. I can only imagine what I'd look like if I went to the gym on off nights! I'm about to find out.

I've had so much happen since I last typed in this blog. I got a new position in a new department as of 22May. I got a nice raise and better hours. The people are amazing to work with and there are no hangups, no one 'abusing' power, and even better hours. Each day I find myself loving my new position more and more. 

A few weeks ago, I had an opportunity to coach (for a day) and I enjoyed it thoroughly. There were no politics and it was strictly for the kids. They got a LOT out of what we had to say at our clinic and it was the most fun I've had coaching in quite a while.

It’s been a great journey thus far with the Sabercats. We are 3 – 0 as of this moment and this week’s test is with the Brass City Brawlers (also 3 – 0). It will be a great test of wills on that date. That date is also the 16^th anniversary of Anthony’s death. I will be playing that game, but also doing it for Anthony. I’ve talked about him previously in this blog and I still think of him daily. He was and still is a driving force in my life to be a better father and person. I’ve battled through blood, sweat, tears, and my own doubt to get to where I am today. I’ve been with this team since February working out and attempting to get better. There is no sufficient reason why I have made it this far other than by God’s grace. I never would have thought I’d be standing on the mountaintop with my team and in my life.  I don’t have much money and I can’t say I’m rich but I have friends that look after me and help me get through my days. There are so many people I used to call friends, but once it hit the fan they were gone. Of course, they will pick up the phone every few months and go through the motions and say “I miss hanging with you.” Or “You’re like my fam.” , but the truth is… they are doing just enough to keep in touch in the event they will need something from me.

There is a certain code I live by in life given my circumstances.

1.       Never EVER judge others.

• I’ve done everything wrong in life and I have NO right to judge anyone for what they do/don’t do with the choices they make.

2.       If a ‘friend’ can’t be one, then move on.

•  I don’t have time to wait on hanging with them and lip service does neither of us any good, so why keep up the charade?

3.       Keep a level head when making decisions.

• It’s important to me to never choose an option when I’m upset or angry. I like to take my time until I can see the bigger picture without any bias or partiality.

4.       Be comfortable with my decision once it’s made.

• When I do something that is neither popular or common I stick with what works for me. Period. I don’t go looking for accolades or acceptance. If someone gets mad at me for it, so be it. I do what is comfortable for me and I can stand my ground comfortably WITHOUT backing down because someone else disagrees with my reasoning. The beauty of being me is that I don’t have to explain myself to anyone. Don’t like it? Don’t look or listen.

5.       Accept differences.

• I am always willing to be open to what other people do and are. Because I am a drinker doesn’t give me the right to make fun of or peer pressure people who are ‘straightedge’ for example. If someone chooses to have an open marriage with no attachments, who am I to say they are wrong? I believe marriage is between two people and should remain that way. It’s my belief and my belief alone. With that being said…

6.       DO NOT pressure others.

•  I do my best to not make other people see things MY way as the right way. All the time on Facebook people constantly try to make other people see things THEIR way and not only that… but see it as the right way. What works for you may not necessarily be the right way for someone else. It’s so strange how people turn any saying, sentence, or idea and manipulate it to what THEY believe and want. FOR EXAMPLE, people talk about the saying ‘Don’t Tread On Me’ which philosophically means to let me be me and don’t force me into your beliefs. The Tea Party movement started with this… HOWEVER, if you don’t agree with them then YOU ARE WRONG! See? How does that make sense? Leave others opinions as is. Life does not depend on others views of the world unless it involves the death penalty and you are on death row. Or you’re a fetus… 

As always... comments welcomed, encouraged, and respected.

Who dat! Who dat! Who dat think they gonna stop Rev Duck?

Good morning everyone! It's been many, many, many months since I've written an entry and for that I apologize. So much has happened since then. Also, today is Vince Lombardi's 100th birthday!! To honor that, Every quote you see will be from him. Let's talk volunteering in youth sports, job situation, Tim Tebow joins the Patriots, weight loss, S.H.I.N.E, then end off with the Sabercats.

"Coaches who can outline plays on a black board are a dime a dozen. The ones who win get inside their player and motivate."

 

Do I coach football anymore? No. I'm all done with youth football. When it's not about the kids, I'm not about it. I will say that there was a moment that I wondered if I should be involved with ANY youth sports because politics make it into every single youth organization and it disgusts me. Most youth sports coaches and youth organizations disgust me due to their (my way is better than OUR way) attitudes. That's all I will say about that. I still coach youth basketball because there is very little time for politics to even make it in.

 

Coach Alex (L), Da'lin (Center), and Me (R)
2012

 

"The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand."

 

 

 

I started with BNY Mellon on 5December11. The job was amazing... at first. People that are miserable want to stay miserable. They also want to make everyone around them miserable. Most of the people I worked with were just making their way through their eight hours. I am an overall positive person, but when someone takes their position and uses it to their advantage to push people around and does not work to their position and because of that I have to work harder... I will not bend to their will. So, with that said I changed positions and got a promotion that involved MORE money, BETTER hours, and lastly NO micro-managing. People are actually happy to be at work and everyone holds their own weight. I am completely grateful for the time and patience my old manager gave to me to teach me the things I needed to know to get to this point in my life. Good things will come to those who wait. Eight years to get the hours and pay I had been waiting for.

 

"It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up."

 

 

I said a year ago in my blog... Tebow is a mediocre QB at best.

 

http://duckiesdabbling.blogspot.com/2012/01/back-in-saddle.html

 

Truth is, he just had too many expectations to early. With great responsibility comes great expectations. Given the opportunity (under the tutelage of Belichick) he will learn to read a defense and possibly react. McDaniels is a non-factor. I said it... a NON-FACTOR!! He drafted Tebow with his #1 pick in 2010. He was promptly fired at the completion of that season. Belichick wouldn't take McDaniels' 'opinion' and make it his own. Belichick has respect for Tebow and must see something in him that 31 other teams passed on him. Give Tebow a few years under Tom and then judge his body of work. He will get better. I can see that. It's all in how he will bounce back from scrutiny and defeatists.

 

"The quality of a person's life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor."

 

 

 

I've lost 18 - 23 pounds (depending on the day) since December. I've put in SO much work to get here. It is not easy to give up overeating. Getting in the time to do cardio, work out, or eat cleanly is difficult but eating in moderation is key. Believe it or not, I have lost more visually since this picture was taken. I am definitely feeling better and sharper since I've lost the weight. I started taking supplements (NOT STEROIDS) from Prosource in New Jersey. They are a GREAT company that gets the items to you in two business days. I am so excited to be in the shape that I am and I am getting better every day.

 

 

“After all the cheers have died down and the stadium is empty, after the headlines have been written, and after you are back in the quiet of your room and the championship ring has been placed on the dresser and after all the pomp and fanfare have faded, the enduring thing that is left is the dedication to doing with our lives the very best we can to make the world a better place in which to live.”

 

 

 

 

So I have started a Facebook page that is called SHINEon. Shine is an acronym for Style, Heart, Intelligence, Nerve, and Endurance. These are things that NO ONE should have the capability of taking these things from you. I post all my inspirational things from there. I'm hoping my page (just like my blog) gets a lot of followers. There's so much negativity on the web, I'm just trying to carve out some happiness and peace of mind for someone that might need it. I want to have someone say at my funeral that something I said or did changed their life and they became a better person. I want to leave a mark on this world. One day, someone will be changed by the words that I speak. Yes, I have played football, I have coached many kids, and might even win a ring... but once all that is gone I want to be remembered for the love I left for those around me.... and yes, I did say 'win a ring'.

 

 

“Mental toughness is many things and rather difficult to explain. Its qualities are sacrifice and self-denial. Also, most importantly, it is combined with a perfectly disciplined will that refuses to give in. It’s a state of mind – you could call it ‘character in action.’”

 

I am BACK!! I'm playing for the CENTRAL MASS Sabercats this year. I have been practicing with the team since February and I feel great. We are going off at practice and I'm still here. I've taken hits and given hits yet, I'm experiencing no pain or headaches other than the typical soreness. We will have one hell of a ride this year and I've come to know my teammates as brothers. I pray for their safety before and after every practice and I am excited to know each of them.

 

 

Kept it short, but effective. As always I welcome comments and share the blog.... I hope someone reads them....

 

 

 



God Bless Newtown, Connecticut

As I was painting my daughter (Mirieanah's) nails while watching the Falcons game, I looked her in the eyes and I realized that she was the same age as a good majority of the children in the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting that occured the other day. She looked at me and smiled and I couldn't help but tear up and feel a sense of remorse and guilt. In less than two weeks I will see the joy and amazement in her eyes as she opens her gifts and twenty families will be forced to look under their trees and see gifts wrapped recently as three weeks prior that will never be opened by the little hands that awaited them...

Mirieanah Alessa

 

 

I could never imagine life without this little girl. In fact, I couldn't imagine getting a call from the Leominster Police Department telling me that my Princess had been shot after I dropped her off at the 'safest' place in the world I could think of.

 

Each day as we get older as parents, it seems the people that are getting more and more violent are getting younger and younger. We as a human race need to say enough is enough. We need to embrace mental illness and recognize it as a condition and take care of our own. It's time to draw the line. We need to get rid of the NIMBY mentality and take off our blinders or these types of horrific things will continue to happen. Our children will someday be the next adults of the world and we have a responsibility to arm them with the tools they need to be the responsible generation that heals the world and takes care of each other and does not destroy it. For those of us that are in our early thirties, we came into this world at the tail end of Vietnam (not considered a war, but a conflict) and we have had two wars, child molestation was not 'mainstream' news until late ninties, and public widespread (school, open-area, etc) violence didn't start really until Columbine, then 9/11.

 

Now imagine what our children will go through with all this technology? Facebook, new weaponry, internet access making things faster and mainstream? Scared yet? We have the ability to change how they see the world. What they do with that knowledge is up to us. Even those of us that don't have children still have a responsibility to each other. We need to start looking after each other. Forget the labels. Who cares who is Christian or not? Gay or straight? Republican or Democrat?

 

Maybe one of the children that lost their lives the other day was being raised by a gay or lesbian couple. So what? Irrelevant. Or maybe they shared different views than what your views are. Again irrelevant. Maybe even different than mine. Doesn't matter. The fact is... a little boy woke up Friday morning, ate breakfast and grabbed his Spider Man backpack on a crisp December morning while a little girl grabbed her Justin Bieber backpack and they both kissed their parents for what would be the last time...

 

Time to wake up... No more sleeping to the realities of right and wrong.

 

 

 

 

The children and faculty that lost their lives

No More, The Last Piece Of Chicken, And... It's Not About You

So as I sit here coming down to the last day of the year (ETA 17 days) I have been slowly turning into the biggest cynic possible. I never thought it would happen to me... but it has. I truly can't remember when it happened, or in fact I can't remember why. All I can remember is that I can remember bits and pieces of situations that made the levels rise. Kind of like floors in a high rise and the stairs collapse below you. I know that I keep trying to weed out the drama and the BS all the while saying 'NO MORE' and it just keeps coming back.

Why do people have to be situational? The video above is a song called No More Drama by Mary J Blige. She is the Lady Of Soul next to Aretha of course.... let's say she is the undisputed Queen of R&B then? If you listen to the words of the song, she just talks about letting go of all the drama surrounding her and NO MORE DRAMA and how good it feels to let it go. It's ironic because the melody is the theme from the soap opera The Young And The Restless.

What really annoys me about people is everything is selfish... not selfless. People always talk about how doing things for others affect them... not how it affects others. That is exactly why divorce is at an all time high. Exactly why relationships are always failing. It's because people don't care that their partner is asking for the little things. They get scoffed at or rebuffed.


Something happened a few weeks ago that really hit my heart...

This talented young man (for some reason) left his 3 month old daughter without parents by killing his on and off again girlfriend Kassandra Perkins, then driving to Arrowhead Stadium and killing himself.

There are so many football players out there that are having mental issues that are going unchecked by the NFL and these needs should be addressed. CTE is a serious disease and unfortunately cannot be diagnosed until after death.

Another developing story that pisses me off to NO END... the Connecticut ELEMENTARY school shooting. Two emotionally disturbed men killed TWENTY 1st graders and Kindergarten children and six adults. It has not been revealed why they have done this heinous act. All I know is... it is the LOWEST of the low. Why can't people just think about what they are doing? If life is that bad, tell a healthcare professional or end your own life. Don't take the life of innocent people never mind those poor children. Imagine the faces of those poor children that went off to school today and the parents that thought their children were safe? I am appalled at what is happening to us not only as a society, but as a family that should be looking out for one another.

So many times I think we all should say "NO MORE!!!" People are killing themselves and each other everyday and more often... as we come around to 21Dec12 people worry about the world ending but do not worry about that because I believe by the BS that we as humanity are doing to ourselves by being selfish are going to destroy ourselves.

The Last Piece Of Chicken Theory

This one is SOOOO true, yet I'm willing to bet if you are reading this you are thinking 'What the hell is that?,' yet by the end you'll agree with every damn word.

Before I tell you what IT is, I must explain what a theory is....

the·o·ry

/ˈθi ə ri, ˈθɪər i/ Show S[thee-uh-ree, theer-ee] Show IPA

noun, plural the·o·ries.

1. a coherent group of tested general propositions, commonly regarded as correct, that can be used as principles of explanation and prediction for a class of phenomena: Einstein's theory of relativity. Synonyms: principle, law, doctrine.

 

2. a proposed explanation whose status is still conjectural and subject to experimentation, in contrast to well-established propositions that are regarded as reporting matters of actual fact. Synonyms: idea, notion hypothesis, postulate. Antonyms: practice, verification, corroboration, substantiation.

 

3. Mathematics . a body of principles, theorems, or the like, belonging to one subject: number theory.

 

4. the branch of a science or art that deals with its principles or methods, as distinguished from its practice: music theory. 

 

5. a particular conception or view of something to be done or of the method of doing it; a system of rules or principles: conflicting theories of how children best learn to read.

 

Number 2 relates to my theory. So, my theory is this:

 

Let's say I am out at dinner with someone and there is one piece of chicken left. That person (if they are being polite) will say to me "Do you want that last piece of chicken?" and I will most likely say "No thanks," if I am full. If I wasn't of course, I would take the piece of chicken. By that person asking me do I want the last piece of chicken, it gives the illusion that they either A) Are about to partake in the last piece of the chicken or B) Are offering it to me out of respect. The theory I propose suggests neither. It states that given the status quo of most interactions I come across, the person is hoping I decline so that they will get the last piece by default.

 

No guilt needed. The offer was given and declined so therefore no need to feel bad. People just say things mechanically because they are the 'right thing to say'. They have no intention to act on those words, they just say them because it will diffuse the situation or make the other party feel at ease. THAT is the world we live in. People will offer things hoping you will turn them down so they can say they did... preying on the goodness in hearts of others so that they can take advantage then turn around and do the same thing when they finally piss you off enough for you to finally say something about it. People only do things now just to say they did it. Not because they care about feelings or because they value what others feel for the most part, it's strictly due to my theory. I see it every day.

Let's say for another example, you have a roommate and it's their turn to do the dishes. As you're getting ready to go to bed you say to them "Hey, I'm headed to bed. It's your turn for the dishes." Without missing a beat, your roommate says "I'll do them after my movie is over." After you wake up in the morning, you find that the dishes are still there in the sink and the dishwasher is still full of clean dishes. If this were the first time that happened, maybe it could be chalked up to chance. After a few times.... it HAS to be my theory. I'm willing to be this example follows it. It becomes second nature for people. They will say anything with blatant disregard for people. Knowing it will make others upset or change their disposition, they will still do or say those things that will create an arguement or fight later just because they do not care enough to do what is needed, but will say enough because it is the right thing to do for that moment.

 

It's Not About You

 

I've been doing quite a bit of thinking since I took an Election Day hiatus from Facebook and it's had me thinking... Why the hell do I still have a Facebook? All it really is for me is a place to write interesting status quotes to try to uplift and inspire (sometimes to write underhanded updates about people I hope read them ... not even gonna lie) and for others it's a gossip column and even more so it's a newsletter shrine and a LOOKATME site and SEE HOW MANY CAUSES I CAN LIKE IN AN HOUR or SEE HOW MANY NEWS ARTICLES I CAN POST about and clog up your feed as well. Those bother me sometimes... but not a lot to be honest. It reminds me of the human condition. I can respond or just hit the ignore button. So I just mosey on past those that are annoying. I only comment on that, because it is something I used to see everyday. People go one their Facebook like it's CNN, MSNBC, or some legit news station. Hell, some people even now go so far as to now call their 'friend on Facebook' their real flesh and blood 'friends'. I see it all the time. It's like that creepy guy in the Tales From The Darkside episode that had all those mannequins that he treated as real people almost. Not like he really 'knew' them as people, but he treated them as real people. I'm not saying interactions on Facebook aren't happeneing, but people on Facebook are 'friends' on Facebook ONLY sometimes. There is no chance of meeting or no interactions other than a status update conversation or a game invite/request, yet they are 'friends'. I am not saying I'm judging (maybe I am in a small way) but this is why maybe it's time I move on from Facebook if I'm gonna be that way cause that's the way Facebook should be used I guess?

 

Another thing... Why do people always have to do things they are comfortable with and never step outside their comfort zone, but constantly ask for other people to do things they aren't okay with? I live my life orderly and organized (or used to for that matter) and now it is in complete disarray. I haven't been in a really good place in a really long time. It's nice when people will look at me, step out on a limb and see what makes me happy. Seeing what makes my heart feel good. Not just for a moment, but for a lifetime. People forget what makes friends, family, lovers happy far too often and it becomes situational. That's where the drama kicks in. I look back to that 16 year old kid that I was and I wish I could interview him. I think he had it together way more that I do now. He was headed in the right direction. He was a virgin (believe it or not HAHA!), he wanted to go to college, was a stand up guy and wouldn't take crap from anyone, and he always stood his ground no matter what the cost. I'd take the life lessons from him I lost in a heartbeat....

 

 

In life, when we as humans are searching for something to believe in... those around us should stand up and heed the call... take that extra step to lift each other up. Not look for the exits or complain that the road is too long/narrow/dark. It takes a special type of person to take up that challenge and walk that road. A companion will walk beside you and keep you company when the load is heavy and so is theirs, but and true companion will share the work so that you both can rest a while.

 

Well, that's all I've got for now... I'm off this bad boy so leave some comments worthwhile if you like.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Short Thanksgiving Post

So here it is... Thanksgiving Eve and here I sit. I'm trying to think of how to word this blog post.

Usually around this time of year, people start thinking of family, resolutions, and what will come the following year. The problem with that is I find too many times no one recognizes their own limitations... Or strengths. This is why I would rather limit who I attach myself to or who I deal with. So many people would rather psyche themselves up to believe in a lie than to prepare for the truth.

When you are a strong willed person, those that know you best would rather try to tenderize you than rise to the occasion and be better. It seems easier for that.

I have lost some weight over the past few months and I am eating healthier. I am in a better place in my life but sadly enough, I say to myself (almost mechanically) I hate my life. It's almost on a daily basis. I almost loathe everything about it. Loathe is a strong word. In my heart, I appreciate where I am in my life. It's my surroundings I guess. I am on my own and in my own mind at peace. It is only there that I can find the peace that I desire at the young age of 34 (soon to be).

I am always on my own when it comes to understanding how my mind works and what I want. As I said before, I say that I hate my life out loud and while it may (or may not be true) I don't even think it matters much. I need my own space. I need to find a place I can go on my own, rejuvenate, and have inner peace. I have hit the final stages in my life. Final as in I don't feel like talking about what bothers me anymore. If I say something bothers me, I'm dead serious about it and don't say I didn't warn you about it.

As 2013 gets ready to show itself to us, there is a sense of urgency worldwide I think. In part, the Mayan calendar claims that 21Dec is it for mankind. Some believe it is going to mark the beginning of an awakening for mankind. I think it may be a bit of both. People will wake up to the needs of the world.How people treat each other will cease to exist (hopefully). In order for mankind to survive we must learn to communicate better and live in harmony and change not only how we interact but moreover, how we react.

In 2012, I saw an opportunity for change. I made a few 'corrections'. I see the need to make so many more as 2012 comes to a close.

There was a mantra I had as a teenager and a twenty-something man... Either you're with me or against me. If you're with me then let's roll, and if not then get the hell out of my way or get moved out. Simple and short. I gotta get back to that. No emotional connection to it, no real story to be told behind it, just straight to the point. In other words, have my back or be on yours. Pretty basic. It's time for me to make people put up or shut up. I keep hearing people talk about it, but its majorily lies anyways. It's mostly conditional. If I am living my life to their liking, then they mean every word of what they say and if I am being me then I am a not worth a damn. It's all good. I've said it a few times, handshakes don't match smiles. That's all that is.

As I finish this short post on Thanksgiving Day, I'll finish with what I am most thankful for.

I'm thankful for my wonderful children, my family that supports me in all things (even when they know I'm wrong), those that are haters and conditionally care about me (keeps me on my toes and reminds me to stay focused), and most of all... I'm truly grateful that I can wake up each day and I still can make the choices I need to make to get better. Whether I do or not... That's another story.

The Change

Who do I trust? ME! That's who!!!!

At the end of the day the question is.... Who can you trust? Really the question is an honest one. A lot of people are afraid to look deep within and BE HONEST. A LOT of people that would read this might actually have a myriad of feelings toward what I say with this post. I'll be honest... I trust MAYBE... 3 people with my life. Sure, there are quite a few people that say they have my back but it's all a bunch of BS. I know it and so do they. Fact is, what is important to me is not important to them. WHO is important to me isn't important to them. See, it's not about what they think about those people that matters... it's about what I think about those people. If I don't like someone then I just don't like them. I don't force people on others. If I know you don't like someone I'd never force you to have to interact with them... ever. I can't think of a situation where that would have to happen. It's so sad that I can't trust the people I grew up with to have my back. I'd trust them to go out for a beer or to come over and watch the game or maybe even go for a drive if I fought with a family member. Other than that... I got nothing.

I have to say that in life growing up, we all play that game where we say that we'd take a punch, bullet, or whatever for a friend... when we get older, that punch idea may be tested (theoretical or real) and I am certain.... CERTAIN there are less than 2 that would take that punch.... and (this is where the pissed part will come in) the takers are females. Fact is, I'd never allow them to but I know it would be to see me excel or save me from danger. The problem is this... too many people I know talk the friendship and they BULLSHIT the reality. True story. I always say don't just talk it dammit be about it.

I do not keep myself surrounded with BS at all. I do not keep myself surrounded with fake people. If you aren't with me, then you are against me. Simple as that. If you can't understand me, then it's not that I'm over-stating it you just better get a dictionary or step your game up cause I'm not changing. Do I seriously have to feel bad for being smarter than your level? Do I have to feel bad for not speaking at your level? Nope. I am an educated man and I will speak as such. This is why I crave like minded people and since I can't find them then I guess I'll just keep to myself and keep it at that.

I trust to believe that people will stick to me and when someone does wrong to me and mine they will honor that by knowing my boundaries. That does not happen with anyone. Not one person (and I do mean this) not one person will stick by that. Everyone I know will act like nothing happened when I'm not around or just forgo the situation as if I shouldn't care. That sits inside me like a raging inferno. Believe me... I don't forget... ever.

There is a fire that burns and it's full of anger and I can't tell you why it's there, but I CAN tell you how it got there.

I have watched all my friends change. They have either turned their backs on me or do nothing at all. Not a damn thing. Their handshakes don't match their smiles in other words. Too many times people look out for just themselves and decide to say and do hurtful stuff just to appease their own egos and blame it on timing, situation, resources, etc. How about this... take the time to consider the other person. Take the time to consider the situation that you're in before you make a stupid mistake that you can't take back.

Some would say I think I am a "know-it-all". Not only would I follow that up with a nice healthy 'fuck you very much', but I'd also say that I know me better than anyone else and I know my limits and I know what I need. I know everything about me and what I need. When I say I can't handle something or I don't like something then that should be the end of it. No other questions should be needed.

If someone disrespected one of my close friends, you better believe that person that did disrespect would damn sure hear about it from me and I'd make damn sure they knew what the deal was. If I call you family, it don't have to be blood to be that way. I'm gonna take care of you as if you were family and that means when you say someone done fucked up, I'm gonna say, "I got the tarp, let me go get the truck". All these cats don't know what family or friendship truly is. It's fine though. I just should have done a better job picking them out. Can't choose who you love. I've come close to trading blows with guys for each of the cats I call family. Can't say they would for me though... In fact, can't say they would even read this blog... I'd even venture to take a guess to say that if they did read this they would lie and blow this off and say they would take a punch for me or whatever cause that's just the type of friends I have.

Onward from that, about a month ago I had a seizure (again) and I called the doctor. They put me back on Topamax. I started at 50 mg and now I'm up to 200 mg/day. I like to call them my Hulk pills.

Not cause they are like steroids mind you, but because they make me moody and they make me mad... a lot. Here's the most complete list of side effects I could find:

SIDE EFFECTS: Tiredness, drowsiness, dizziness, loss of coordination, tingling of the hands/feet, loss of appetite, bad taste in your mouth, diarrhea, and weight loss may occur. Mental problems such as confusion, slowed thinking, trouble concentrating or paying attention, nervousness, memory problems, or speech/language problems may also occur. If any of these effects persist or worsen, tell your doctor or pharmacist promptly.Remember that your doctor has prescribed this medication because he or she has judged that the benefit to you is greater than the risk of side effects. Many people using this medication do not have serious side effects.Tell your doctor right away if any of these unlikely but serious side effects occur: signs of kidney stones (such as severe back/side/abdominal/groin pain, fever, chills, painful/frequent urination, bloody/pink urine). A small number of people who take anticonvulsants for any condition (such as seizures, bipolar disorder, pain) may experience depression, suicidal thoughts/attempts, or other mental/mood problems. Tell your doctor right away if you or your family/caregiver notice any unusual/sudden changes in your mood, thoughts, or behavior including signs of depression, suicidal thoughts/attempts, thoughts about harming yourself.Tell your doctor right away if any of these rare but serious side effects occur: rapid breathing, fast/slow/irregular heartbeat, bone pain, broken bones, loss of consciousness. Rarely, topiramate may cause a very serious eye problem, generally within 1 month of starting treatment. If untreated, this eye problem can lead to permanent blindness. Therefore, get medical help right away if any of these side effects occur: sudden vision changes (such as decreased vision, blurred vision), eye pain/redness.This medication can rarely cause a serious metabolic problem (high amount of ammonia in the blood), especially if you are also taking valproic acid. Tell your doctor right away if you experience sudden/unexplained tiredness, vomiting, or mental changes (such as decreased alertness).A very serious allergic reaction to this drug is rare. However, get medical help right away if you notice any symptoms of a serious allergic reaction, including: rash, itching/swelling (especially of the face/tongue/throat), severe dizziness, trouble breathing.This is not a complete list of possible side effects.

All the bold stuff... I have. Lucky me.... See, the whole thing is, that I could use these things to my advantage and say that I can't hold my tongue due to my meds making me angry and blah blah blah... I won't say that. I love people around me too much to blame it on my meds. Each day that passes as I take my meds, I lose words and thoughts. In essense, I lose part of myself little by little. Even still I know who that little part of me that I keep is.

What I DID learn.... this new neuro Dr. Yin...

I will say her English sucks (HAHAHA) but she is good. Come to find out she is amazing! I have found out that my seizures may actually come from alcohol. Apparently, my seizures seem to be more active when I have little to no alcohol in my blood (according to my bloodwork) and the fact that my liver is 25 percent larger than it should be due to not producing some chemical that it should be. So her suggestion is not to be drinking at all. As of Christmas this year, I hope to be alcohol free... here's to fingers crossed.

Good news... my brain is clear.

Going to get back in the gym as of .... well, after this damn Hurricane Sandy blows over.... to prepare for football season in 2013! If the end of the world doesn't happen first! LOL! I will be looking to chase the ring until I catch it!!!

Mace, Manca, and anyone else that don't know.... Rev Duck is coming back and don't worry I'll get the medical. I've already started the long process. I want to make sure that I amn 100 percent a go before I put the helmet back on. ... Greatness my friends is upon you! And it will be upon me as well!! I'm working my way back to it!!!! Backup lineman... 3rd string lineman... don't matter. I'll be 34 and hell... I'll be blessed to be able to play again. 10 - 0 or 0 -10. I've been working on it for a month now and I'm hungrier than I've ever been.

I'm comin' for any and all QBs in 2013... smaller, faster, stronger and better.... and MORE PISSED OFF THAN BEFORE!!! Got a question... Who's more dangerous than a man with nothing to lose and everything to gain????

Answer: Nothing....

It's that damn fire....

Purify Me And Make Me New

Good Morning,

Here's a minor science lesson for you. Did you know if you burn grain alcohol (as in the kind you drink like vodka, run, tequila, etc) you will burn away the water from that alcohol and you'll have a more pure grain? Also, the purer the alcohol, the more flammable it is? Pure.

Yeah, I said it...pure. For the past few months if you are a friend of mine on Facebook you've obviously seen me post this

This speech is from ET The Hip Hop Preacher (Eric Thomas). He truthfully has changed my life. When I was working at Sprint I saw this video and I realized that I wanted to leave there and become successful as badly as I wanted to breathe. It took a few months, but I did it. Got a job with BNY Mellon that pays me more than I realized I was worth with no experience. All I did was do what ET talks about. Get a reward from pain. The pain of that crappy job and knowing there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it... or could I?

Over the past few days, I've been listening to his T.G.I.M. (Thank God It's Monday) videos. Gotta say this one got to me again

Understand this, some people never want to hear the positive. Negativity breeds negativity!!! It's like sunlight to a vampire. When all you think is CAN'T you are NEVER going to see the CAN nor will you want to. You don't understand the fire that is burning inside of me? I've turned it over. PURIFIED!!! Burning away the unnecessary things in my life. Something was recently put on my heart... Anyone remember the saying 'Things that are good aren't always good for you."? ET put it this way "Everyting that is good to you isn't good for you.". The people in your life may be good to you, but they aren't good FOR you. 

Recently, I had it out with a 'friend' of mine that I considered family. You all know nothing... NOTHING in my life is off limits and I share everything. This 'friend' has only hung with me 3 times in the past year since he got in a relationship. Now, understand this.... normally one would think to blame the girl and say 'She changed him'. I absolutely refuse to say that. It's on my boy, not her. He has to want to chill with the friend he called for rides from the airport at 10 PM, the friend he had no issue calling when he didn't have a girl and he was feeling all alone and misunderstood, the one who gave him rides to work when he lost his license and making my son late for school in the process.... yeah, that's me. It's not on her, it's on him. Now, this week (after 7 months of him blowing me off) he decided to start calling me and I just avoided the phone call. After a month of avoiding him, he has the nerve to text me to 'explain myself' and 'he though we were friends'. True story. I could have asked him the same thing. The PEOPLE that are good to you aren't necessary good FOR you! There are a few other things happened, but what I've typed ALONE is enough to call it a day. This 'friend' wants to meet up and 'voice our concerns'. I couldn't even believe he thinks he has concerns!!! I never went anywhere! I never turned my back on him. But, that's okay.

Gotta burn away the negativity and keep with the people that love me and are about something!!!

Understand, I've been up since 7 AM. Why? Because I should be up. ET said he gets up at 3:30 AM every day. Why? Because Ted Turner does and he's a millionaire. He want to be one as well so GET UP!!! I'm not all about that, but I realize... if you're not up then you're sleeping and you have no chance to make changes in your life. You can't clean your living space, you can't be learning, you can't be living to your fullest potential if you lay there in bed til 10 or 11. Nothing is getting donw and chances are, you're gonna sit yourself on the couch all day and let the day pass by without you getting anything accomplished! That's right I said it... nothing will get accomplished. Chances are you won't see one ray of sunshine or feel one drop of rain and you wouldn't know which one is out there becuase you're too busy being counterproductive. I spend the weekends seein gmy kids, family, seeing the world. And I love seeing it! Seeing what other people are doing, feeling the breeze on my face, smiling at other people and looking them in the eyes.

My boss said to my son yesterday (which she has NEVER told me) that when I come to work I always make people smile even if they are having a bad day or don't feel like smiling. The reason for that? Because I am genuinely happy to see each and every person each day and I make sure that they feel appreciated. Apparently, she (my boss) knows that.... and appreciates it.

Purify!!! Get rid of all the excess and unnecessary things that are not conducive to what you want. What is good to you may not be good for you. Remember that! It may sting a little  to say good bye to the person you have been comfortable with or getting rid of that yes man, but it will help out in the end. It will make you better.

The enemy of best is the good. If you're always settling with what's good, you'll never be the best.

-Jerry Rice

This one, talks about getting the most out of life. It also goes in to getting rid on the extra crap that isn't necessary. Lose the yes men and those that would half-ass it in life. Let me say this, if they will half-ass it through life, they will half-ass everything in your friendship. Real talk. For example, you're having a bad day and you need a friend to talk to. Guaranteed they won't pump you up to get motivated again. All they are gonna say is some variation of "Damn, that sucks.... hope it all works out. Don't worry it's not you. They just suck." Great words of encouragement right? PURIFY!!!! Only when it's pure is when it's at it's best!!! Make your life pure!!! Let the rest of the crap go!!! Stop procrastinating and get the most out of it!!! Don't let the people in your life let mediocre be your best!!! If being mediocre is their best it doesn't mean it has to be yours.

Don't make excuses, make adjustments.  If you don't know how to find ET The Hip Hop Preacher, find him on Facebook @ https://www.facebook.com/#!/THEHIPHOPPREACHER

Do me a favor... suggest this blog to 1 friend... just one. I want to have WAY more followers than I have now...

Here we go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!