Time In, Time Out

This is not a usual post for me. It's just a few random thoughts on everything that has happened over the past few weeks in my life.

I've been thinking a lot about my childhood as of the past few weeks and I truly miss it. Everything was so young and new. Each summer was... well, summer! Nothing to do but pass the lazy days away. There was always opportunity. No one ever talked about the end of days, increased violence in the streets, sexual predators preying on our youth, and times were innocent.

As a youth, I had my grandparents that I loved with all my heart, but I was always bitter about the fact I had no sense of belonging. For two middle-aged grandparents to take on a child that is not theirs must be hard to take in and deal with with little thought of the future. I spent many happy years in Mississippi visiting my great-grandparents during the summer months. My grandparents and I would travel to Ole Miss by car. My grandfather would drive and we'd just take in the sights of these great states of ours. I would pull out my Gameboy and just play until I fell asleep. I can remember oe time when I got the new JJ Fad single Supersonic

Those were the days that I miss. Being a youth, not caring about bills, money, or a job. Just having a sense of self and being carefree. I knew where I was going because I didn't have to think about it. Each day was laid out for me. Now that I'm older I have to stand on my own two feet and everything I do is accountable. I can't even think straight sometimes and I make the wrong choice sometimes.

When I started this blog I wanted to chronicle my life and journey cause I didn't know what was going to happen to me in the days ahead and now my health has improved and it's just a place to vent and a sounding board.

I think back to when I started this, and it was more or less about my interactions with God, people, and my own thoughts. The game has changed now. I don't go to church, I don't interact with people much, and I don't play football anymore. I just am here. I still coach football, but nothing else. I've been so busy with this job that I really don't do much else. I'm trying to make the necessary changes that I need to in order for my life to be better. As I said before, I deserve better! In this life, you absolutely have to make the best of things. If you don't, you will most certainly miss out.

When I think about the past 10 years since I became a father, I feel like I've grown a lot. Everyday there is something new to learn about. I can't remember when or why it happened, but somewhere along the way I decided there would be no more fucks given about people who don't care about themselves. It strikes me as absurd that people who don't give a shit about themselves expecting others to jump up and force them to look in the mirror to realize their worth. I have to say, if someone values their life, their family, their love.... then you need to fight. Everyday fight the negativity within yourself and move on to the positive things that will make things worthwhile. You must fight for what you love! For WHO you love.

When life blows up in your face you must fight for the love that will keep you warm and safe. Too many times, people use love as a scapegoat and mask it for comfort. Love by it's very definition is tangible. You can see what it is and how it moves people.

Love can make you change facets of yourself that you were never going to concede to. Don't get it twisted though, there is no need give in to demands if it infringes on your beliefs. Be who you are and accept your own faults. Here's the facts, I know who I am inside and will not apologize for it. I give myself time to think and reflect on my life and I realize that I am not perfect. Hate me or love me. Family, friends, enemies all know to take me as I am. I take others out of the equation when I think about what my next steps are going to be. If it turns out that they are going to make me end up in the wrong side of the equation then I guess I'm just gonna be the bad guy. See it just doesn't matter what other people think of me cause I know who I am on the inside and NO ONE will change me or make me feel bad about who I am. I grew up a fighter and will always be. I play hard and love hard. When I love, you are in my life till you mess it up. If I don't like you, then we just won't speak. I don't play make believe with people. If I am not feeling you, I won't acknowledge your presence cause it would be disrespectful to you by pretending to like you.

On another note, let's stop playing games on Facebook. The most annoying person is the one that feeels the need to put their business on status updates then get defensive when their friends comment contrary to what they think. Shameless promotion on how you're a notch above everyone else cause you can fend for yourself, or you're not on welfare, etc. Just stop it. Since when does the internet validate who you are? If you love yourself who gives a damn what Facebook sees you as. So damn annoying. If Facebook gets you that mad, then stop using it. Off the soapbox now...

I've recently found Dubstep music again. It is most definitely an acquired taste. It is heavy on the distorted bass. Here's a few of my favorite tracks:

Golddust- Flux Pavillion

Nice Sprites And Scary Monsters- Skrillex

Woo Boost- Rusko



Three of my fave tracks right there. I've been listening to music a lot more because it calms me. Even dubstep. I've decided with this new job, I'm going to start to save to start up my own DJ business. I'm going to buy:

I want it!!!! Numark V7

Also, I made myself a membership with Top Hits USA. They send you the Billboard Hits from each week or month, depending on your membership. Also, I want to create mix tapes for people. For free, cause I love music that much and I want to share it with the world. Just me.

Find peace within yourself, live to learn and then you can learn to live. If you believe in yourself even when no one else does, that will make you stronger. That's it. Do me a favor, I love this blog... that's why I write it. Suggest this blog to someone...anyone. I'd like at least 10 followers by Christmas. As always, comments are welcome! Much love and stay true to you,

Duck

Results May Vary

I’ve been thinking over the past few weeks about a lot of things. There’s so much going on, and here I am… about to share it with you. For some reason I feel like more people than usual are going to read it. Here goes…


I got a new job that I start on 5December. It’s for an asset services banking institution making almost 40K a year. The best part it? It’s Mon – Fri 930 – 6 PM. I deserved it and I got it. Entry level. It’s what I wanted and I fought for it. I’ve been applied for probably 20 to 25 jobs at BNY Mellon and I finally hit paydirt. Heck yeah! I left Sprint as Black Friday was my last day. I was short-timing it like crazy. I hated it there. So glad it’s over. My time there taught me one thing: NO MORE RETAIL! Finished! EVER! I am ready to move on to bigger and better things not to mention a career! My title is Control Accounting Specialist with BNY Mellon.



I’m so tired of everyone who is not Christian having something to say about religion. Freedom of speech and freedom of religion DOES NOT only apply to every other religion except Christianity. It’s so annoying that everyone gets mad when (for example) a Christian says ‘God bless you’ then they get all high and mighty saying they are offended because you ‘assumed’ they believe in God. Newsflash, if you can wear your t-shirts promoting your religion or bumper stickers then why can’t a Christian promote theirs? I mean really, as long as they aren’t flooding your inbox with Christian emails or ‘bible-thumping’ whenever you’re together then leave them alone. If it’s in passing just look past the comment and move on. When a Jewish person says Happy Chanukkah to me I just respond in kind. I don’t have to believe or practice their religion in order to be polite. It seems people just take advantage of saying ‘Freedom Of Religion’ That means that all religions can practice what they want and live their life like they see fit according to their religion. Follow my words carefully, just because SOME Christians are ‘bible-thumping’ and feel the need to put down other religions, not all are like that but why put them down? You can preach your stuff and all they are doing is ‘responding in kind’. This world is large enough for everyone to have their own beliefs.



Relationships are hard work. It’s not easy to maintain happiness. Interpersonal relationships are tough too. For me, it seems most people expect me to form myself into their molds. I get mad at people, but I accept them at their face value. Just because I don’t do what other people want, or give in to their demands it doesn’t mean that I don’t care about them. Saying how you really feel regardless of feelings that the other person may have about the conversation shows you respect the other person enough to say what you feel. Part of saying how you feel involves accepting the repercussions. If I say something to someone, I don’t expect them to like what I say or do what I want. I only speak my mind because I feel I need to at that moment. I believe in being a great conversationalist, my words are important enough for me to speak them so it’s on you what you do with them. Sometimes people do or say things cause they can’t communicate correctly. They will sacrifice themselves just to get back at you. Why? It makes no sense. The tit for tat game is for children. As adults, we need to put that crap in the past. Communication is clutch when it comes to interpersonal relationships.



I guess the main point is this…



Results May Vary



In everything we do, no matter what the outcome will be different for everyone. Respect difference, but don’t exploit someone else who has the same rights as you do. Don’t infringe on someone elses’ rights just to grow your own. Everyday, there are people who are being killed for their religion in third world countries. It won’t kill anyone to just let people worship in their own way in this one. If someone for example say Merry Christmas, Happy Kwaanza, Happy Chanukkah, etc. just respond in your own way. If you choose to use a sweeping generalization of Happy Holidays knock yourself out. If you see Tim Tebow on TV starting each interview with “First off, I want to that my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for…” and it annoys you, turn the TV or at least give the man credit for showing his faith, cause if he were in your faith would it bother you? Most would answer ‘Probably not.’ If the person were an atheist and they say that God doesn’t exist and so were you would it bother you? Probably not.



Love is a living thing. It changes everyone in different ways. It comes down to this… If you are in love, it will make you want to change. You will find happiness in seeing your partner smile. Your friendships will become better because you will enjoy the conversation with your friends and value what they say. When you’re in love, you should be allowed to speak your mind and not hide your anger. Just remember, you may not like everything people do but don’t think that they have to change it because you feel they way you do. Don’t be vengeful towards people you love. No ulterior motives. That is not love. You can be mad at them, but why do things to hurt them on purpose? Or do things to them in order to ‘do it back to them’… all you’re doing is making yourself look like an ass.


Finally, I did what I set out to do. I have a great job now (which I said I would do). It took a lot to get me here, but I made it. Is it possible to change your life? Well, Results May Vary...

I'll write again tomorrow. Comment if you want to! :o)